Thursday, October 20, 2016

Withdrawals and campaign progress

Hi Guys

Not feeling too great today. I'm withdrawing from a dose of Abilify and ugh, headaches and a rollercoaster of emotional crap is how I'm feeling. This has happened in the past with the Abilify, whether I am going up a dose or going down a dose. This time, I am going from 30mg to 20mg and I am doing well considering. My doc also wanted to change my lithium and Seroquel at them same time but I have decided not to, my poor brain can only handle one at a time. I think that's sensible at least. No wonder I cried all morning yesterday and then had the sorest eyes all day. It was pretty awful and a real shocker of a day. I know we all get those though, don't we?

In other news, our campaign is on the verge of being released. The video I am in I must admit to not feeling too happy about how I look. Yes, there's that whole thing again. I am trying to not feel like that but it's a habit I've had for years and years and it doesn't just go away overnight. It's hard sometimes being different to others and it's hard to put yourself out there, just like it's hard to help. I know though that I do want to live without that fear and shame and do it fiercely. Anyway, I am going to leave it there for today and go and have a cup of tea. I need to relax and gear myself up for coaching today :)

Be safe

Sarah xx

Friday, October 14, 2016

We broke up

But I'm good. We will remain really good friends, just no more than that and that is okay :)

Coaching yesterday

Hi Guys

Yesterday I had a one on one coaching session with Tim and it was amazing. To start with I had to confront some things, mainly how I perceive myself and yes it made me cry. Tim was awesome in helping me through this and I am so grateful. I even went up to a lady and asked if she was okay, I didn't know her, embarrassment, lol. She had newspaper on her tyres, which was really weird and Tim wanted me to ask her about why it was there, or even just anything, just to get me from grabbing hold of the table for dear life, ha ha. I wasn't going to let go but in the end I did and it was really really really REALLY hard. I wanted to hide and cry but Tim was gentle in the way he did it and then when I did finally get up and go to her, when I turned around, he was jumping up and down happily. I was still a bit embarrassed though.

Then while we were standing there, it was time to yell out to the trees (and the world) "I am loveable", I said no no no no no no, how embarrassement. I did it really softly and he yelled it himself and I got embarrssed, ha ha, I do that so easily. I did it though and there was another one I can't remember. All in all it was pretty damn awesome. Tim is really amazing. I'm so happy that I went to that first workshop of his because otherwise I would never have found coaching for myself, or known that I would want to do it as a career. Better late than never. So I'm thanking the universe right now.

Sarah xx

Wednesday, October 12, 2016

OMG Wow... I got in

Hi Guys

Life has been a bit of a rollercoaster over the last few days/week. I have been trying to get into a life coaching institute to do my course and I kept getting blocked at every turn in some big or small way. Today that changed. I got a call from the Life Coaching College and I got in, I'm all signed up and got a payment plan with them. I'm so incredibly excited right now and had to share my news. It's also a great omen that it is my 1300 post, yay. Thanks for all your support.

Sarah xx

Was and now not?

Hi Guys

I don't think I am meant to go to Estrada where I was going to do my life coach training. The program they do is usually covered by a deferred payment scheme and they need my high school certificate and I've lost it and it was 25 years ago (yes, I am old my friends)! I don't ever lose things and then I pulled a card of out my deck it was the stamina card, which is always a very "no" card to me. I know that sounds weird but I've been reading for a really long time and I know my cards inside out and back to front and I know when something's not meant to happen. In all honesty, I have been feeling like that for a bit now. I just didn't want to see it. I knew when I got the first email from this dude, Stuart, from Estrada that there was just a feeling I guess and I always listen to my gut.

Universe, I'm listening, you don't have to yell ;)

I think it's launch day today. I hope, but I don't know for sure. I don't know. I guess we'll see what happens. It's also business meeting day today. It used to be fabulous but I am nervous from last week. We had two extra people that crashed it and then proceeded to talk all over everyone. It threw our lovely little group on its head and we are still recovering. I hope this is not a repeat. 

Have a good one

Sarah xx

Tuesday, October 11, 2016

Leaving here

Hi Guys

I have felt for a long time now but more so recently, that I will be leaving Brisbane Common Ground sometime very soon. I feel I will be out of here in the next six months and be living in my own house, with Cali. I feel it so strongly that I want to start packing. It's that strong. Funny thing is it's not freaking me out. I'm excited about it. I am sick of having my kitchen in my bedroom (I have a studio apartment). I want my own bedroom. You know when you know it's time to do something and you kinda just have to roll with punches, well, I am.

With my business stuff, I feel like I am going nowhere. Everyone is saying I'm am but I can't see it. Maybe it's because we are all doing so much with Deb right now that I feel like I am not doing it when I am. The campaign itself is driving me nuts. It's being officially launched tomorrow. It seems to he dragging it's heels a bit and my speech will actually be done within the period of the campaign rather than after it, which I think is really good.

Emotionally I am good. I am holding up. I feel great really. I do have some underlying anxiety about an issue that I can't talk about because no one knows about it and I don't want to flag it. It's not a bad thing, rather something good, though I may be misunderstanding some things about it. I want to be more clear about it before I bring it up here. So don't worry, it's just a thing shall we call it, lol.

I have been so well over the last little while and even with the stressors I am not cracking and I now know I can cope on my own. I am doing everything I can to get through without taking a valium and I've been doing it. I got through yesterday, huge anxiety, everyone was telling to take a tablet, I said no and I didn't and it was fine. I am going to do this on the day of my speech too (I really hope), I don't want to take a valium and taking propranolol makes me anxious would ou believe?), I want Deb, my team and Tim to see me talk without drugs in my system, even if it is hard. I don't want to do it because I think it would feel like I had let myself down too. I know one tablet is one tablet but one tablet can turn into many. If you know what I mean.

Okay, off to start the day. I hope your day/night is as good as mine will be. I think you're all awesome :)

Sarah xx

Monday, October 10, 2016

The Limiting Round Rock

Hi Guys

Feeling a little quiet today (yes I know, very strange) and I wrote this really weird poem.


The Limiting Round Rock

The earth is moving
beneath the craziness of
my itchy, squishy feet.
The sole touches the
crumbling sadness and
the round rock can’t help
but weep within the confines
of its existence.

My toes reach forward
and stretch back and forth.
“What am I missing?” I thought.
My mind speaks of things
I do not want to hear.
I am not ready, my toes
have not yet landed in the dirt
of that mighty round rock.

My foot slides forward
and I plant my whole foot
into the softness of the
limiting grass. It’s not infinite
anymore. The lesson learned,
has been learned well and
giving away to you of me,
is no longer an option.

You have no power over me.


Have a groovy day :)

Sarah xx

Saturday, October 8, 2016

Trying to keep up - huge post

Hi Guys

Wow, what a few days it's been. I feel like someone has come up and turned me upside down and shaken me and then turned me around the right way but my hair is still sticking up. My life is changing at a rate I can barely keep up with. So... where to start, there is so much. I got into a life coaching program here in Brisbane and I start on 5 December. I got to choose when I would start and I decided I would then so that some of the craziness might settle down.

You have been waiting long enough to hear what is actually happening and it's still happening but I am going to say it anyway. We are doing a crowdfunding campaign (different to the one I am going to do for my book but my book could be part of my journey) to keep Hope Ventures going. Hope Ventures is a group that works through Brisbane Common Gound and it supports people that have been homeless/displaced and some low-income, mostly the former. I found out about BCG when Andy and I broke up and I didn't really have a place to go to. I lived in hospital for a few weeks but then went to that boarding house where my door didn't really lock very well. Plus I had some scary characters living there AND they didn't lock the place up at night. Eekkkk. So that is how I ended up here and it's now been 4 years since I was moved here.

Hope Ventures was created when Deb lost her funding for here. She is the training and employment person and she is AMAZING! I really love Deb. She is awesome and a lot of fun to be with, also very caring. We had all started creating our own businesses and there are about 10 of us now. We have all done or are doing a course in Micro business with Wes, who is also AMAZING. Some of us want to do it. I am in the process of completing mine. Just one more bit of it, I think. Then when we had our own businesses, Deb started to really make things happen and so have we. We all work together, giving each other ideas on how to get our businesses going.

So giving you and idea of who we are, there is me (hello!) Sussana - makes soy candles with essential oils; Ronnie -- interior design; Gleem -- makes hand designed t-shirts; Emily -- is a mobile hairdresser; Cheryl -- is making a cookbook from her home country and Nilima -- yoga and healing. Deb really wants us to realise our business and make our dreams happen.

As for me, I have five different threads I am following. So here goes:
1) Scrapbooking for elderly people that want to tell their story with photographs and journaling. I would like to take this to nursing homes or even retirement villages too.
2) Card making (this is more a hobby thing) but I do sell my cards to my friends. I also wouldn't mind running workshops on card making too
3)Photography working with Emily, she would do hair and make up and I would take the photos
4)Motivational speaking, I would love to do this and I do have my first talk on 3 November to about 100 (holy crap). Oh, got butterflies saying that, lol.
5) Then when it happens there is life coaching

So this is what has been brewing over the last few weeks or more actually more. The last one new. Tim was the one that has given me the courage to work out what I want and I haven't' really even started with him yet, lol. I sold one of my camera lenses last night because I thought I was going to need to go to Melbourne in a few weeks and now I don't, PLUS BCG stuffed up my electricity rebate and it was half of what it should of been. So now I can do all the things I want to do because, one, I've figured it out and two, I have the cash.

A huge thanks to Deb and all the guys I work with in Hope Ventures and thanks to Tim for the ideas and help with knowing where to go.

Let's hope when the campaign goes live and it will, we were waiting on a music license for the video and yesterday were still in production because of that. Will keep you guys posted.

Okay, I'll leave your eyes to rest.

Sarah xx

EDIT -- oh yeah and the zines/book, forgot about that

Thursday, October 6, 2016

When you don't want to say...

Hi Everyone

I'm feeling a little lost for words today and geez, who woulda thought. There's something on the tip of my tongue and I want to voice it but I can't. I feel a little stuck. I think I know what the problem is but I don't want to say. It's scary sometimes how things can change in a week, a day, an hour or even minute. Things you think are going to happen are dashed on the shores of regret and fear and loneliness. Things you think will fall flat will soar and lift you up. I don't want to say the words because I don't want to give them credence. I don't want them to live on my breath and make me fail. I want to rise up and soar and live an amazing life. I know I can do it, so I must leave the other stuff behind and move forward and accept those things that I cannot change.

Sarah xx

Wednesday, October 5, 2016

Business news -- website, zines, a bit of my main idea

Hi Guys

I thought I'd post this after my TMI (again) post because it doesn't really go with business news and whatnot, lol. Funny that. So right now I am building a website. I think it's looking pretty good so far actually. I am still writing it, so I want to wait until it's live before I post the link. I'm going to be doing a marketing ad for my business, I'm just waiting to get funds together to do it. It's a great little video that I can get done for me to use on social media and on my website.

Well,the zines have stalled a bit. I'm not sure what the problem is but I have gotten stuck on the middle pages. So far I have laid out 32 pages and I'm caught. I am going to try and do some more soon but I don't know, I think I do know what the issue is but it's something I can't talk about right now. Maybe in a little bit when I'm feeling I can. We'll see. A girl's got to have some secrets though you know ;)

So, my main idea I thought I'd tell you about, though I will keep the how part of it to myself for now. What I want to do is to encourage and help elderly people in nursing homes to create their own scrapbook albums. I want to travel around to them and show them how I've done mine and some easy ways that they can do theirs too. It'd be great if I can also go to retirement villages and do the same thing because there are so many people out there that don't have family or don't have family close and I'd like to jump in and say that it'd be great idea to do their story for their family or do their families story.

For me, it's about the storytelling, the journaling and the photos and photography. I'm a photographer after all and I've got a Masters in Journalism and I got part way through a degree in professional writing and publishing before I  turned to this business stuff, which I love. So yeah, I'd love to do that. I lost my Nana in 2014 and I couldn't be with her because she was in the UK but she was an amazing woman and I loved her so much. I was her favourite too. When she passed away mum and my aunt went through her stuff and she had pictures of me everywhere. Mum told me that, "she loved you over and above her own children". It makes me sad and happy to hear that. Happy because it makes my heart sing and sad because I miss her so much and still go to call her and then have to stop.

The other thing is is that I felt like I abandoned her a bit before she died. I hadn't contacted her for a while and then she got sick and it can happen so easily. I think helping other Nana's and Grandpa's out there or even a lovely person that have no children but have had a life they'd like to remember. I'd love to go on that journey with them. It would be an honour.

Have a great day :)

Sarah xx