Friday, December 31, 2010

last post for the year

Today has been so hot here in Brisbane. I have had a headache because I was so dehydrated, luckily now it has gone away as I have drunk a heap of water. So this is my last post [I think] for this year. I will be quick though. I just wanted to say again, thank you for all of you who read my blog and who take the time to comment. You are all amazing, even those who don't have the courage to say a few words, you are awesome too. Just for reading.

I am all ready to fall into 2011 happily. I am content. I don't wish for anything huge, just normality I guess. That would be the most awesome thing. Back to work in three days time and I'm pumped. When I think of work it makes me smile to know I am gonig back. I have started to write issue seven of By the Skin of My Teeth. I am going to try and take my time with this one. Right now I am just tapping away at the keyboard, writing what I feel like.

So, like I said, for 2011, I wish for normality. I don't need anything else as I have all I need right here.

Be Safe!

*hugs*
Sarah

reflecting back and looking forward

It's the last day of the year already, I feel it has gone so fast and so slow at times as well. I feel so fortunate to have lived through this year, as wow, it was so rocky. I am proud of where I am and of myself for getting so well. I love that I am excited again about craft and zines [I didn't ever really lose that one]. I am proud that I was able to say that I am recovered and know it with certainty. I gained a beautiful little tornado of a cat and how cute she is. I am grateful for Andy's love and patience towards me, even when I felt it was stretched so thin. I am grateful for all of you, for reading and say a huge hello to my new followers, welcome and please comment, I would love your feedback on any topic.

I think to celebrate is to move on and I can celebrate. I can even celebrate those low times because it reminds me that I do bounce back when I am in the place where I am now. I can prove to myself that what goes down must come back up at some point. I can acknowledge that my old doctor wasn't working and was able to say goodbye without too much fuss, although there was anger on my part. I am so stoked to have my new psychiatrist, she is awesome. Twelve days to go and I see her. I start work in four days and I am so excited about this, how awesome is that, to look forward to work. I am ready. I am awesome and I love who I am and where I am headed. I love Andy with all my heart and once again, bring it on 2011, I think you are awesome already.

Most of all I have start to really love myself. To give myself credit. To show that I have done enough this year, even during those bad times. Accepting that I can't change the past, just move on through it and look towards tomorrow when I have a bad day and I know there will be bad days, as that is part of the normal cycle of events in the ups and downs. I hope you can find something to look forward to. I am grateful too that I got my old friend back. She was my best friend for 20 years and then we had a huge fight and I told her to never talk to me again. This year, after a year and a half, I braved it and emailed her. She responded and we are now talking again. Maybe 2010 wasn't so bad after all, it's just that the bad bits stick out most. There were good bits too. Getting married in March, getting a full time permanent job in May and gaining and new psychiatrist, what else could I ask for.

Be Brave and move forward Sarah and everyone who reads this, we all deserve it!

*hugs*
Sarah

Thursday, December 30, 2010

I'm going to say it...

I am RECOVERED from my ED. 

I know it with all my heart!

Hear me sing :-)

*hugs*
Sarah

Wednesday, December 29, 2010

what a day

Today Andy and I trotted off shopping to spend our gift vouchers. The first stop for me was the art shop in the Valley. We got off the at the Valley station and walked the rest of the way and got there just before they opened. I discovered alcohol markers a few weeks ago and there are two brands at the art shop - Copic and Tria. I had some Tria's at home so thought I'd better try the Copic ones so I could compare. Tria markers are better, but I'm glad I gave the other ones a go. Tria markers seem to work on all the surfaces I tried them on, where as the Copic markers just soaked into the paper and cardstock.

After going to the art shop we headed into the city and we went to price phones for home at Dick Smith, they had one set we liked but the only one in stock was returned stock that just said unsuitable. It was then off to JB Hi-Fi and I got season two of True Blood and because it was 20% off all DVDs, I got it at a great price. So we then move to Dymocks and I found two Manga graphic novels, one set it Australia, that I thought was really cool. I have that one in my current reading list down the side if you are curious as I can't remember its name off the top of my head. I was very excited that one of the graphic novels was a series about Labyrinth returned after the hit fantasy movie with David Bowie in it from the 80s.

By this time I was tired and cranky. I'd also gotten mixed up and my appointment with my nurse from the clinic was this morning while I was walking to the art shop. She called me and we rearranged her to come and see me at 1pm. We then finally got home at 12:20pm and Andy went for a lie down and I tried out my markers and waited for Sue.

The meeting with Sue went really well and I am glad I saw her because I am seeing my GP tomorrow and she told me that I need to get a script for lamictal 100mg and pristiq 50mg [I take 150mg] I didn't realise you couldn't cut these tablets [pristiq] in half and I'm about to run out of 50mg ones before I see Dr D in a few weeks. It make sense though because they are sustained release.

Anyway, I have to see my GP to get medical clearance to go back to work on 4 January. I just hope she will let me get these scripts too. The person filling in for Dr D is obviously hopeless as I nearly ran out of diazapam and asked for a script. I rang last Monday, the week before Christmas and they didn't fax the script, I rang on Wednesday and they didn't fax it and nothing had been received at the pharmacy by Friday either and then it was Christmas. I have had to take seroquel in place of the diazapam. I also didn't get the letter my doctor wrote for me giving me medical cleareance the week before that, which is now why I need to see my GP. Oh the joys!!!!

*hugs*
Sarah

Tuesday, December 28, 2010

Two for today too

I've had another good day. I have decided to start setting my alarm for the same time every day that I would normally wake up when I was working. This time next week I will be on my way home from my first day of work in two months. I won't expect too much of myself. I will just see how I go but having a set wake up time for the rest of the week probaby is a good idea because I am waking up an hour later than I need to. I will do this except for Sunday. I'll give myself a sleep in on Sunday.

I am so excited that 2011 is coming. I know it won't all be fun and joy but I am so looking forward to getting out of 2010, although the last few months, even hospital was okay. I am looking forward to seeing Dr D my new psychiatrst on 12th January. I have my nurse coming to see me on thursday and I am looking forward to that too. I am meeting a very special blogger tomorrow and I am excited about that. I've never met another blogger before, so it will be awesome to do so.

It's so nice to be not depressed and not suffer with ED thoughts. It's so nice to just be me. It's all I can be and you know what, that's enough for me. I am okay with that. I am even happy with that. Still no food issues, I am eating regularly and I feel great. Well I am just a ball of happiness aren't I, lol! The good thing there too is that it's not too happy. It's just happy. I have't had this happiness for so long that it's new and exciting and I never want it to end. I hope you all have a good night/day depending on where you are in the world.

*hugs*
Sarah

Looks like a nice idea ;-)

New look blog

Well I've been playing around with my blog today to try and add some stuff and move some stuff and try and get it the way I want it to move in to 2011 completely clean. You may notice that I've changed my template and it seemed appropriate to have the background that reminds me of cats, when my life is so much about my cat. As I say this, Missy has just climbed onto the bookcase next to my computer.

I also wanted to remove the transperancy as the fish made it hard to read the sidebar. Then this morning I have added two more pages, one with all the information about my zines, so that I can have less time writing about them in my main page and just point out that there is a new zine and to check out my zine page. Then to top it off I added a Me page. I removed the stuff I had on my profile page about me and put it all but updated on the Me page.

So now that I am happy with my new look blog, I hope that you like it. I am at a loose end today and don't quite know what to do with myself. It's raining [what a surprise, something completely different] again and so it makes me not want to go outside or go anywhere for that matter. Tomorrow Andy and I will go into the city, which I am looking forward to. I just wish I knew what to do with me today.

As I say that an image popped to mind. I am currently reading two books. One is Dewey, which I told you about in this post. The other is by James Patterson called 2nd Chance. It's a murder mystery book and so I am thinking of curling up with that or reading a few outstanding zines that I need to catch up on. The book seems to appeal more though.

*hugs*
Sarah

Even the birds are hiding - a photo I took earlier this year

Monday, December 27, 2010

no way, two posts in one day ;-)

The rain is amazing today. It has been so hard and it's made this holiday season really cool, which is a nice change to a typical australian holiday season where it's hot and steamy and humid and uncomfortable. It's nice being inside, though sucks when you have to go out. We don't drive so we have to walk to and from public transport or just walk or ride. I opt for staying inside. Missy has the right idea, she is fast asleep on the top of a bookcase with her legs all hanging over the edge. It's quite cute actually. So today has been fun. I took some funny Missy photos and some photos of the rain, that I thought I'd share.

Guess who? She even climbed under there on her own.

Then she helped me read my craft magazine

Then she looked cute and made my heart melt

I love this photo, so had to share, sorry I've turned into the crazy cat lady

Now for the rain! There has been a cyclone that crossed the coast up north on christmas day I believe, it was only a category one but it has caused all this rain.

Playing with my new camera I got a few weeks ago

This is out our front door, not too bad

Some very wet plants

You can see some water droplets on this one on the palm tree

I have had a really good day today. We decided that we would not go into the city today as it was just way too wet, so we are going on Wednesday when all the shops will be open. I got a gift voucher for a art shop, which is not a chain shop, so it would be shut for the public holidays today and tuesday. Andy also wants to go to the comic shop, which is the same kind of shop, so it would probably be shut today. I think it's still meant to be raining but it should've died down a little by then I think to showers instead of rain.

I've been thinking about resolutions for 2011 today and I realised that I only have two. One is to stay well and get stablised on all of my medication and the second is to try not to take sick days at work that I don't need or want to take when I'm not sick. I think these are really do-able. And what do you know, nothing about weight in there. I am proud of me. I am still holding strong. I will NOT take the ED into 2011 and I'll denounce it as not mine while I am at it :-D  Thinking of you all!

*hugs*
Sarah

bad feeling gone YAY

I am feeling so much better today. I think I was tired yesterday because of the busy few Christmas days and I just felt a bit yuck. I am glad I am back to normal. I am sitting here watching my cat play with the blinds and if she's not careful she is going to land on my printer. Cats.

I got some amazing Christmas presents yesterday, including the rest of the Red Dwarf seasons I didn't have, so that's series 4-8. I was totally amazed as I didn't know anyone except Andy knew I loved Red Dwarf and I haven't spoken about it for ages. I did often drool over the just the shows seasons 5-8 but I could never afford it. I knew I had to also get four. I was stunned when I unwraped it.

Another present I got was the story of Dewey the cat, which I hadn't heard of before. The cat who lived in the library at Spencer, Iowa. I got the second book for Christmas but went out looking for the first one and found it, so I am now reading that at the moment. I figure it's a really nice story so it should put me in a good frame of mind. Andy an I are also going shopping today into the city because we both got a couple of gift cards and vouchers from other people. We did very well, but we do have a lot of family around, so we are very lucky and I appreciate it so much for others that don't have this. I am sorry if me talking about this upsets you.

I don't have any other news except if you love cats, maybe you should try this book I am reading if you haven't already read it.

Dewey by Vicki Myron

I am also trying to come up with a theme for By the Skin of My Teeth - Issue seven. Any ideas anyone? I kow something will pop into my head but at the moment it's empty in there ;-)

*hugs*
Sarah

Sunday, December 26, 2010

I feel bad

I don't know why. I just all of a sudden feel awful. Not in a physical way but in a depressed way. This worries me but it could just be in response to a very busy couple of days. Tomorrow Andy and I are going shopping with the gift cards and certificates that we got for Christmas, which will be fun I hope. I've taken some seroquel to try and get that to help. I hate feeling like this. I don't like it at all. It makes me want to sleep or hide or something. I don't like it. I hope you are feeling better than me!

*hugs*
Sarah

10 random Christmas photos

We had the best Christmas and I got some photos, many of Missy of course, but it was a lovely day, though I ate too much. You'll all be happy to hear that I weighed myself today and I'm the heaviest I've been for over five years and I didn't freak out. I was fine with it and just said, you ate a lot yesterday and this is probably not accurate and if it is, that's okay, you are you and you are good enough.

Enjoy the photos! Please excuse the prawn!

Kitty in the tinsel, if you look closely enough, he right paw is on her new mouse

The paper was extra exciting for Missy

A disgusting prawn that Andy was shelling for lunch. I always have this thing that I feel they are staring at me, I hate walking past them in the deli section of the supermarket as they give me the creeps. 

Demon cat

Andy got me some sliver and purple decorations for xmas because he knew this year I really wanted that on the tree but we decided to go against it because of Missy.

I know the tree looks bare but I got my purple and silver. Just not enough to make it look awesome. I still like it though. We gave obviouly the other tinsel to Missy and dived under it all day.

I was too paranoid that Missy would want my silver and purple so it was only up for a short time and now we have a naked tree.

I love it when Missy stretches like this, you get to rub her belly and she loves it.

Ooohhhhh demon cat 2

*hugs*
Sarah

Saturday, December 25, 2010

Merry Christmas

I just wanted to say Merry Christmas to everyone who reads my blog. It's already Christmas here in Australia and let me tell you, present opening was fun with Missy. She chased every bit of paper and had the best time ever. She is now passed out sleeping because she got over excited. Andy is even passed out.

I got some lovely presents and I was so excited by all of them. My mum is going to be here about 10am, which is about 2 and a half hours away. But she is usually late, so that is okay. I think Christmas is extra fun with a small cat. Though it was pretty gross picking up all the wet bits of chewed up Christmas paper.

Thank you too to all of you for reading my blog over the last year. Welcome to new comers that I haven't thanked yet for reading. I appreciate every one of you.

*hugs*
Sarah

Friday, December 24, 2010

I will not take it in to 2011

I have been thinking today a lot about weight. But don't worry, not in a bad way. I had a look at myself in the mirror this afternoon and I can really see I am not fat. I have a little tummy but a lot of girls do as well and I am no way in hell fat. I realise for the first time that it's okay to be the weight I am. Normally I would weigh myself each saturday and tomorrow, Christmas day, I refuse to weigh myself and give myself any chance of feeling bad on a day that is meant to be fun and with family. I know I have put on weight, but I am okay with that. I don't mind. I do not fit into all my clothes but I am still a normal weight and I am and will be okay.

Today I have been eating non-stop and I won't even let that get in my way. I will make this holiday season the best ever because although I won't stuff my face at every chance, I will not worry about fat and I will just have a good time. I am not going to take my ED with me into 2011. It stops right here, right now. I think I can say really that I am doing really well with this. I take so much less time worrying about my body. I notice it and I am mindful that there are a lot bigger people in my everyday life and by that I mean just walking around the shops, than me.

I don't know why I spent over five years thinking this junk. And that's what it is JUNK! It is not true, my brain got re-wired somehow and I am putting it back to the way it was when I did what I wanted and I didn't care what anyone thought. It's my body and I choose to care for it and let it have a break. It stops right NOW!

*hugs*
Sarah

Mega Random Photos

Looking guilty


Bon Bons

Christmas Food

My favourites right now with philly cheese

Latest on the Christmas tree

The baubles that have been knocked off the tree

My collection of zines

 I haven't done the dishes

My cat PJs

Pretty flower

One that hasn't opened yet

Andy's crossword book

Andy not long woken up

The Dead Zone season three, what we are watching right now

What Andy watched after I went to bed last night - "A Nightmare on Elm Street", the original one

My self portrait at 6am - can you tell :-)

*hugs*
Sarah

Thursday, December 23, 2010

my nurse

Whilst in hospital I asked about the community outreach program that the hospital did for inpatients once they left hospital. You end up being assigned a nurse to help you adjust to being outside. I found out instead of checking with me, they just put me on outreach because my insurance covers it and my doctor must think I need it as she referred me to it.

I got a phone call yesterday from the nurse that is looking after me and she is coming over today to see me and meet me and get to know me a little. I don't really know what to think about it all as I don't know whether I need it now. I think I will need it more in January when I go back to work as that is going to be a big trigger. Don't get me wrong, I love my job and am looking forward to going back but it does make me nervous too.

It would be good to have a nurse around for me to contact in case things start to slip as I know the first week will be really quiet. I am going back early because the first week will be three days and the second will be four days of work. I think this is the best way to ease me in.

Other than that, I am excited that issue six of By the Skin of My Teeth is going to print tomorrow. It would have been today but the nurse coming at 12:30pm makes it a little hard to get into the city and back in time without rushing and making my headache I have worse.

Also our poor Christmas tree has taken a battering over the last few days. It looks pitiful. Missy plays with it all day and we are not going to fix it until Christmas morning because she spends most of her day playing with the tree.

Poor Tree and even the culprit. The tree has bee stripped bare. I tried to show you the picture of the whole tree but the stupid image attachment thingy kept putting it sideways.

The anchorage to keep Missy from knocking the tree over like she did the first day. This rope/twine is anchored to the wall.

*hugs*
Sarah

Tuesday, December 21, 2010

normal days

I went to work yesterday for a meeting with my boss and all went well. I will be going back to work on January 4 and I am really looking forward to it. It was so nice to see everyone and it was nice to sit at my desk while I was waiting to see Steve my boss.

The other really fantastic thing is I am now used to life out of hospital. I am enjoying the days at home now and loving the time I spend with Missy and Andy. I finished a book too, as I haven't been able to read for months and that was really great.

Everything seems to be falling into place. I wrote a new zine but this one was the most therapeutic, issue six of By the Skin of My Teeth, which is the actual story of why this year fell apart for me. I have wrote bits and pieces in different zines over the last six months, but this time it's the whole story all together at once and it felt good to get it out. I have to put it all together and get it printed over the next week or so.

Tomorrow marks a year since I ran out of my old job and freaked out at the train station and ended up at the hospital for a psych evaluation after not speaking for five hours. It's this story I am telling and the aftermath that last for months and now it's finally gone. I have released it completely finally.

Like I keep saying, 2011 is going to be awesome!

*hugs*
Sarah

Monday, December 20, 2010

how I almost crashed

When I came out of hospital I was 5kg heavier than when I went in. Can you imgine how horrible that made me feel. I wanted right there and then to stop eating altogether, but there was one pesky little thing, I have an appetite now. I was so crushed by the number and humiliated by it.

Then I got to thinking and I know it's still a number that is not overweight for me. So I said, fuck it, I am staying as I am. I have a body that is bigger than it used to be but I am NOT going expend a whole heap of energy trying to be tiny anymore. I am going to stay as I am.

On weigh day saturday I had lost a kg, but this was because in hospital I ate a lot more and I've been eating normally here. I have discovered a really good thing though, when I am craving sweet stuff and I want to stuff my face, I eat watermellon instead. It's sweet and yummy and much more healthy.

I will admit the reason why I almost crashed though, I started doing shake diet, though I only used three of them and then I went back to food. It was then I said fuck you ED, you are as you are. I'm a bigger size in clothing and I am okay with that. In hospital I saw the ED patients and what they went through, that's not my life.

My life is writing, zine creating, cardmaking, photography, digital scrapbooking, loving Andy and Missy and my family and just being me. I think I've done it guys, I think my ED is in remissioin and hopefully it will never come back again. You know what else, I don't even have the motivation or the will to want to be smaller and that's awesome.

*hugs*
Sarah

Saturday, December 18, 2010

the world of difference

I noticed this morning that all of a sudden I am feeling a little better. I even started singing at one point. I just feel a little lighter than I have in the last few days with the transition from hospital to home. I want to be here, I am happy to be here, I don't want to go back to hospital. I even rang work last week to go back a week early because I think being busy will be helpful. Plus it's more money and no more asking Andy to give me money.

The other good news is Andy got a contract with his museum consulting worth $7000, which is awesome. He got half the payment upfront yesterday and the rest on completion. It has really boosted his feelings and his happiness and that has boosted mine because it means we have more money and I will soon be earning a wage again. It's funny how a week can change everything.

This time last week I was still in hospital and I was dreading going home. Now I don't wish to be anywhere else but here. The only problem I am happy is getting used to our mattress. I get a really sore back every morning and it goes by the end of the day. In hospital I had a softer mattress and so I am going out and pricing these foam covers that are shaped like the inside an egg carton, I don't know what they are called.

You should see our christmas tree now. It is a shambles by Missy's hand. Oh my gosh, I look at it and it makes me smile but there is tinsel everywhere and she climbed the tree again yesterday. She pounces everthing and she has found a spot on top of our DVD cupboard that she can get the higher baubles. I just smile when I see her under there because it's so cute, even if it is destructive. Poor tree! Oh and I can read again, but have lost the ability to write zines for now, but I'm sure that will come back. I hope you are all doing well.

*hugs*
Sarah

Thursday, December 16, 2010

up and down

Getting used to home is so hard. I think it's because there is no structure. Like in hospital you know the routine and it's the same every day but here while I am not working, there is no routine. So I have decided to go back to work a week early. I am just hoping that my doctor wrote the certificate for me saying I am fit for work from January 4. If not, I have to wait to January 10. I want to go back on the 4th though because that means that I will have my routine back and work makes the day go fast. I am meeting with my boss and the HR manager on Monday and so now I just have to get this certificate. I know that my doctor will have someone filling in for her, so if I can't get it from her, I might be able to get it from them.

Right now I am still listed as on inpatient services because I am on community outreach. I don't know who my nurse is yet but they will come to me here at home and see me and make sure I am okay. I must admit to struggling. I had four naps yesterday, which I know is not a good sign. I need to stay home, so maybe being on community outreach is a good thing. Yesterday I had huge crying fit and Andy asked me what was wrong and I couldn't tell him because I didn't know. I think it's just the adjustment. I should focus on Christmas and other things. I was more than halfway though issue six of By the Skin of My Teeth and it was shit, so I deleted the whole thing and threw out the cut and pasted pages. I am going to leave the next issue for a while, there is no hurry. I will cut out the A5 sections from the art books for the backgrounds for when I do do issue six, which might give me something to do today for a bit. I'm just all over the place.

*hugs*
Sarah

Monday, December 13, 2010

I'm home for good

I am finally home today and I really feel much better this time than the last. I haven't felt any uneasiness like I did last time and I wasn't upset straight away. I walked into the house nice and calm and it felt like home immediately, which was awesome. I haven't done much today, it's been very hot. I didn't get discharged until about 10am and then I had to wait for Andy and his dad to come and get me. It was almost 11:30am by the time we got home.

I did a bit on my next zine and this one is going to take a bit longer than the others. I'm trying to make them less mental like and more about other things. I am about halfway finished. I found out today that I have a meeting next monday with my boss and the HR lady. It's not a bad meeting, I think just setting up expectations of my return to work on 10 January and what-not. I'm must admit though that I'm nervous about that but I think having this meeting will help me walk into the office a little easier in January.

So it's just Christmas to get through now and that's going to be big with this little kitty that keeps destroying the decorations. She will have so much on that morning with the paper, she probably doesn't need presents when she can have all the wrappings, he he. We are buying her presents anyway though. She is such a little princesss. If any of you are confused, I am talking about my cat and her first Christmas.

I hope you are all well and I will get to your blogs when I can.

*hugs*
Sarah

Saturday, December 11, 2010

I really am happy

I can feel a major difference in having my medication increased, both my lamictal and my pristiq. I actually feel really happy and really content with life at the moment. I am home on day leave today and I have seen first hand the destruction of the Christmas tree. My little Missy has destroyed it and there is tinsel and baubles everywhere. It is actually quite funny and we aren't going to fix it until Christmas morning or it will just get destroyed again. We are also not putting any presents under there until Christmas morning because they might get opened by little claws.

I have finished all of Andy's Christmas shopping and I am really happy with what I got him. I wish that I could have bought more but we promised each other that we would stick to our limits and I am only going over by $9. So that's okay. I am excite about Christmas, I love Christmas. It is my favourite time of the year because I get to spend it with Andy and now Missy. It will be fun watching her running around with Christmas paper, because she loves paper. She actually tears it up into little pieces. I hope you are all well and I will try and read some of your blogs a little later.

*hugs*
Sarah

Destruction one

Destruction two - this tree looked gorgeous before our girl decided to redecorate

Friday, December 10, 2010

Happiness

I am feeling much better than I was. I think this short admission [All up I'll have a 10 day admission] I have worked really hard this time by going to groups and doing what I need to do to cope with discharge on Monday.

I just wanted you all to know that I okay. I am hoping to get day leave Saturday to visit home and see Andy and that little furball Missy. I can't wait to see the destruction of the Xmas tree. It is apparently unbelievable. It's not uncommon for her to have tinsel in her tail. I think that is so cute. I think we should leave it as is and mark Missy's first Xmas with us. I hope you are well and go okay!

*hugs*
Sarah

Sunday, December 5, 2010

Hospital

I had a shocker of a day yesterday! I was unsettled all day. I had three lots of extra medication. In my favour I did go to part of the group on guilt but my doctor called me out just before part one finished I was a mess and didn't go to part two. I slept instead and my doctor excused me anyway. I am still getting the rest if the notes though from the psychologist.

I want today to be better. I am going to two groups today (a) social anxiety and (b) realistic goal setting. I think they will both be good for me. I just wish I could be normal and not in this awful headspace.

I know my doctor's plan too. I am having a short admission because I became institutionalised last time and this time I am leave in two Mondays time. We will plan on two overnight leaves, I'm thinking Wednesday next week and next Saturday, so I will be ready this time. My doctor too is putting my meds up too. I just want to go to as many groups as I can and learn as much as I can and get home for good. I can't get a good enough Internet on my laptop in here so I am still trying to figure out how to read blogs from my iPhone. Thinking of you all!

*hugs*
Sarah

I

Thursday, December 2, 2010

with a purpose

I was admitted last night to a public hospital and discharged today but that is not the story. The story is that I am going back to the private hospital I was in a few weeks ago, but this time with the right plan. Last time I wrote three zines in there and didn't participate in much of the stuff they did there like the groups.

I know I am not well, that my mood is all over the place, but this time I am not taking my craft stuff to make zines with me. I am taking my laptop but I am not going to write unless there are not any groups on. I plan on taking the DBT classes that are on Monday, Wednesday and Fridays that are run as two sessions a day for those days. I will also make sure I do two other groups on Tuesdays, Thursdays, Saturdays and Sundays.

I am not going to piss away the opportunity this time and I am going to come out better and well and not need to be re-admitted. I am going to be well enough to go back to work on 10th January as planned as this is a must. I think it is possible I will be admitted tomorrow but if not, it will be Monday. I just want to get back and do the work and do the best I can. I need this more than anything right now. I need to do this for all of our sakes, Andy's and mine.

This means I may be missing for a bit too. Hope you all do okay in my absence. I will miss you all.

*hugs*
Sarah

A cute Missy photo for you from the other day

Wednesday, December 1, 2010

mixed

Yesterday was a bit all over the place but now I know I am manic. It's just after 4am here and I have been up for an hour. Yes there Sarah time that proves the mania. Funny thing is Andy caught me at about 4pm yesterday afternoon trying to take and overdose. I don't know what to do with myself. I think I should be in hospital. I have to call my doctor as soon as it's 8:00am. I don't know what she is going to do with me! I don't know what to do with me. One good thing. I contacted an ex-friend because I missed her and she was really receptive. It looks like we can be friends again. I am happy about that.

*hugs*
Sarah