Friday, September 30, 2011

friday did turn into monday

I was supposed to go home today but at the last minute the doc I am seeing while Dr D has been away told me that she spoke to Dr D and they want me to wait so we can get a clearer plan of how to increase the lamictal safely. I am pretty sure that when I was on it last time Dr D put it up weekly but the other doc, who is lovely by the way, is worried about doing it too fast, which kind of sucks because I know that I won't get that rash if they do put it up weekly having done it before. The good thing is Dr D knows this so it will all be sorted out then.

So today I am going shopping with my roommate as we are both on category 1, so we can go out when we like. My mum is coming too, so that will be good but I do have to go to DBT first before I can go anyway as part of my outpatients DBT contract. I'm a bit annoyed because I was told by Lucy that I could only miss one more session and I'd be out of the group. I apparently have missed five sessions, which I dispute because I know I only missed four. Two due to headaches and two because of being in here. So, not happy about that.

I can't wait to go home. I miss Andy and Moo so much. I am going home tomorrow for the day but have to be back in the afternoon. I hope the weekend goes fast, but hey, in here time creeps :-/

*hugs*
Sarah

Thursday, September 29, 2011

the three blind mice

Okay, so how weird is this? Last night I was laying in my bed and I was looking at the curtain that goes around my bed when I noticed that there was a distinct shape of mice on the rail, just their faces and ears mind you. So to make matters better/worse I suddenly thought that they were the three blind mice. I have no idea where that came but I tell you what, I was feeling a little disconcerted that firstly, I had three visitors, secondly, that they were mice and thirdly, that I am going out of my fucking mind. Jeez, the three blind mice 'looking' at me. I am saying this all in a tongue in cheek way because this morning I am thinking it is ridiculous and it was just the shape of the curtain. So can anyone beat, in having weird thoughts I mean, having the three blind mice visit me in hospital? What's your funny/ridiculous story? You know the worst bit, the nurses wrote it in my chart :-/

*hugs*
Sarah

Wednesday, September 28, 2011

all a-okay

I finally have had a good day. I got put down two categories and can now go out of the hospital on unescorted leave for up to two hours. This is awesome. You can't imagine how good it felt to be out and about and not be watched all the time. Well, I'm sure some of you can! Anwyay, this is just a short post, thought I'd tell you all how I am going. We are still up in the air as to whether I am having a friday or monday discharge, but I am hoping for friday. We'll see!

Be safe :)

*hugs*
Sarah

dead faces

I have been having some weird shit happen lately and I hate it. I told my doctor about one part of it yesterday and that was an image I keep seeing in my head of my face hanging with a noose around it, in the tree outside. It's not projected outwards, just every time I see the tree, I see the face in my minds eye and I'm sure every person who is suicidal has this, but I'm not suicidal anymore. The other one is really scary, I looked up at the light fixture in my room last night and there was the face of an old dead woman in it. It scared the daylights out of me. I told the nurse and she told me to turn off my light and come get some seroquel. I did and I also got my other meds and just went to bed. I don't know why I am having these things happen lately but hey, I guess I just have to tell my doc and be honest.

Thanks so much for all of you who have been supporting me through this rough patch.

*hugs*
Sarah

Tuesday, September 27, 2011

Cat 4

What a night. Last night I had some quite disturbing thoughts in relation to strangling myself. Of course the nurses found this quite a little difficult and put me on Cat 4. I was on Cat 1. Now 'Cat' stands for category and the number decides which level of privilege you get. I was on 1 which mean I could go anywhere and I could go out for up to three hours unescorted. When you are on 2, it means you can go anywhere escorted by someone other than another patient, so like a family member. A 3 is when you are restricted to the inside of the hospital but a 4 is where they take all your possessions away, they even took my bedside phone, they tried to take the nurse buzzer but when it was disconnected it went off, so they left it there. Then you are left in pyjamas until you see the doctor and you are only allowed on your unit. I am on unit 1, so I only had a really small area I could go. I had nothing to do but knit and that had to be on a chair in front of the nurses desk. I spent a lot of time there last night and this morning. I am not on Cat 3, or if a family member comes, Cat 2 with them. So, now I am happy and content. I can't go anywhere outside the hospital but hey, I could still be in pyjamas and stuck at the nurses desk knitting. I am likely to go home on Monday after I see Dr D, as she is back on Monday. I can't wait to see her.

Still reading your blogs and yay, I can comment :)

*hugs*
Sarah

Sunday, September 25, 2011

One thing at a time

Today was good. I got to see Andy. We met in the city with my two hour leave allowance looming and we went to my favourite yarn shop and I got some more yarn and some knitting needles for it. It's a really pretty pink and purple. Then we just kinda walked around and he told me that he wants me to put everything out of my mind except getting better and doing DBT and when I finish DBT, then I can worry about work and study and all of those things that I feel compelled to do because I feel guilty that I am not helping to support our household. I don't know, it just makes me feel bad. I feel like I should be doing this or I should be doing that, because other people can.


I know, I know, I should just do what I can do, but I always want to do more. If Andy doesn't feel bad, then I shouldn't. I just worry about him because he suffers from depression sometimes and I feel like if all the pressure is on him, then he will fall apart too. Then that would make me feel worse. I think he is a little depressed at the moment but is not admitting it because I am not well.

I spoke to a couple of friends today and they both said the same thing, one thing at a time. It was nice to talk to them and it felt good having normal conversations that were not all about my mental health. One day I won't feel so bad. One day I will lead a more normal life and I strive for that. One day I won't wake up and want to just cry, one day I will be well and I will do my best. This makes me feel better. One thing in the moment, that's all there is right now, one thing at a time. I can do that!

*hugs*
Sarah

P.S. I still can't comment on blogs for some reason. My stupid computer won't let me, but I am reading :)

Saturday, September 24, 2011

all those tears

So tears are what happens when you bottle up your emotions for days and take seroquel to stop feeling. Now I am making myself sit in my emotions and really feel them. It's really hard, I want to desperately just race to the nurses and say please please please give me something to stop the horrid feelings. I sat outside and cried when the doctor came and I cried when Andy rang me and I just keep on crying. What really sucks is I have to wait for the lamictal to start working. They can only increase the dose every week and I am now on 25mg and I am used to being on 250mg. This is going to take a while and I hope I am not going to be feeling like this the whole time. I am hoping when I am on 50mg that I start to feel something. That would be awesome. But because of the rash you can get with lamictal [the one that means you can never take it again], I have to be slow and steady with it. It sucks! Let's just hope there aren't too many tears backed up.

*hugs*
Sarah

Back on the wagon

I know lately I have fallen off the wagon completely and utterly. I had a long think yesterday about all the pros and cons of taking lamictal, seeing Dr D as my sole psychiatrist, that is rather than Dr D inpatient and Dr M outpatient, how long I was going to stay here and what I was going to do when I got out. So I decided, especially after meeting the doctor who is looking after me for Dr D while she is away, to get back onto the lamictal straight away. I have started at 25mg and will go up a dose every four days. Because I never got that rash you can get with it the first time, the doc is more willing to push the dose up a bit quicker. She is very nice by the way. The second thing was then Dr D and Dr M, but I had already really made up my mind. I chose Dr D for both inpatient and outpatient and Andy was fine with that too. As for staying here, it looks like I will only be here until the end of next week, so a short visit to fix my meds. As for what I am going to do when I get out, Andy made that decision for me. He said he wants me to finish DBT because I never finish anything. Which I do agree with actually.

So it's saturday morning at 4:44am and I am sitting here with my laptop [yes it is way cool we can keep them in here, you couldn't in a public hospital] and I am tired but not. I woke up at 2am and got some diazepam and then woke up again at 4am. I can't think straight, maybe I am tired. I am writing my zine in here too, I am almost done with it, just a few short adjustments to make and a few pages to add and it should be ready. I just then have to make the master and print it. I am going to go lay down and I will catch up with your blogs a little later.

*hugs*
Sarah

[edit - I can't comment on blogs at the moment for some reason, but I am reading and will continue to try and comment]

Friday, September 23, 2011

In hospital

Well I am now in hospital. We (my doctors and I), have realised that the lamictal was actually working. I didn't even notice until I stopped taking it (without permission). The problem with it for me was that it cost so much but then last night, my nurse told me that isn't my health better than the monetary value. I am really having to weigh up what to do. I have decided to go back on it up to a maximum of 200mg. It's funny that you don't realise that a med is working until it's no longer there and I have been declining steadily for about a month and a half now. I came off of the Pristiq with permission, because it was making me manic but I honestly just didn't know that the lamictal was working on my depression.

Dr D is on holidays and so I am under a doctor I've never seen before. I have heard she is very nice but it makes me a little nervous. I don't know how long I am here, not longer than two weeks or I will lose my place in DBT. I had to sign a contact this morning in relation to going to every inpatient DBT group, which is three times a week and working through goals for admission. I will also have sessions with L1, one of my DBT psychologists twice a week. I am not even sure when I will see Andy because of the boundaries he is setting with me. Like I can only call him three times a day. Now that may sound a lot but I usually am calling him all the time. I am allowed to text him though.

I'll update when I can, I hope you are all doing okay. I'll try and catch up with blogs a little later :)

*hugs*
Sarah

Tuesday, September 20, 2011

She said yes

I've been going out of my brain over the weekend and yesterday, waiting to hear if I was going to be back under Dr D [which I really wanted to happen] or if I was going to stay with Dr M. I am also waiting to hear if I am going back into hosptial or not because to be honest I am not doing too crash hot right now. It may be in part due to me not taking my lamictal but I just can't afford to buy it.

Anyway I got a phone call from Dr D yesterday and she said something like "what's the matter" and I told her I wanted to come back to her and she said she would need to talk to Dr M first [there's no problem there as he knows I want to switch back again]. So Dr D said to make some appointments with her for when she comes back from holidays [which start Wednesday], really bad timing I know.

So right now everything is up in the air. I don't see Dr D until 12 October. I still have DBT and I think that Dr D will bring me into hospital for a short admission. I am fighting really horribly suicidal thoughts and thoughts of self harm lately. I've pretty much been drugged out so I don't have to feel them. I know that sounds horrible but seroquel has been my best friend of late. Let's hope this lifts soon or they find a medication I can take that works and don't cost the earth.






*hugs*
Sarah

Friday, September 16, 2011

confused and lost

Wow, what a horrible few days. I found out last night that I have been driving Andy crazy with going back and forward with the work/study thing or for that matter anything that requries making a decision. I also now am still waiting to hear from Dr D to see if she will see me again. I told my doc that I am seeing at the moment and he said that it's fine for me to come back to him if Dr D says no. I seriously don't know what I am going to do with myself. I have no clue. I feel like I am failing Andy and he admitted that my illness is hard for him to cope with and he is sick of it right now. Argh, the emotion is so all over the place and I am not coping well :-(

*hugs*
Sarah

Wednesday, September 14, 2011

waves of emotion

I have literally cried and cried all day long. I stopped seeing my Dr D in June and it was mainly due to the fact I felt pressured to stay with my old psychiatrist and it hurt like hell to leave Dr D. Andy told her that she dolled out hospital like it was going out of fashion and it wasn't going to work. I always remember that moment because just before that I was crying on the phone to her and she asked me if I was laughing or crying and said crying. I always hoped she knew that I didn't want to leave.

Yesterday I saw Dr D while I was at DBT. I hid but only because I am so scared of what she thinks of me. I have said some things on here that she wasn't good for me, but these are words that I felt I should feel because it was 'better' for my family. Andy didn't really click with her. Every time I go to the clinic I wanted to just run over the consulting suites and just see her and talk to her. She always made me feel comforted. Dr M doesn't really do that. He listens and he tells me what he thinks but there isn't really a lot of emotion attached. I feel like just another person sitting crying on his couch. With Dr D I always felt like she cared. I have said this, she is like a big warm hug. I miss that.

I rang her consulting suites today to ask that she take me back and I told Andy that I missed her so so much and that I will not use the hospital to fall back on. I will see her like I would normally [if she will take me back] and go to DBT and try and get some normality back into my life. Right now, after the day I have had, I don't know whether I can get normality back. It feels worlds away and I don't honestly really know how to cope with that.



*hugs*
Sarah

the first step

Yesterday I told you all that I am going to face my fear and go back and work at the university I was bullied at, but in a different department. Yesterday after I said that to you all, I decided to organise the first step and that is to get on campus. I decided the way I was going to do it, was to do it in a way that wasn't confronting too much and have lunch with my old boss [the good one] and she will probably also not only give me a pep talk but a kick up the bum too if I start wallowing. She was the one that taught me all my confidence before I moved to the job that crushed it. I think having such a supportive person there, is going to go a long way in making me feel okay. I will admit that my weight gain is something that bothers me too and I shouldn't care what people think but I do. I CAN do this. It's going to be terribly hard but I can. I must. I want my life back. I have to reclaim it and I will! Wish me luck, I am having lunch with Y on Friday.



*hugs*
Sarah

Tuesday, September 13, 2011

Facing my fear

For the last two years I have been running as far as I can away from the uni where I was bullied. Lately I have tossed around career ideas or changes and studying to re-train into a whole different field. So what I really have to think about is what is good for my family and me and I think I worked that out last night.

I am now going to stop running and actually face that fear and that is, the uni where I was bullied. I wrote an email to the temp coordinator this morning [who looks after all temporary work there] and said I was available Mondays, Wednesdays and Fridays. Thinking upon the whole work/study thing, I think I was desparately trying to not have to work and thought study was the best way out of that. Thing is, I like university administration and I'm good at it. I don't need another degree and so I am not going to study now. Is your head spinning as well because mine is?

Hope all is well!

*hugs*
Sarah

Sunday, September 11, 2011

Happy day :)

I can't believe it, it's Moo's first year anniversary here with us. It's just gone so fast. I also can't believe that our illegal cat has not been found out in all that time. We aren't meant to have cats here but we have managed to keep her both from the body corporate and the landlord. She has made such a difference in my quality of life. When I start to feel down and icky, she is always there and even though she is not a cat that likes to be picked up and cuddled, she is affectionate in her own way.

 She looks so tiny here, this was take a year ago today

I remember thinking to myself when I first got her if I'd ever be able to love her like I loved my old boy Sabby who died in 2007. I was very nervous around her at first but now she's my girl and I have come into my own comfort with her. She now sits on my lap when I am at the computer, which is nice, though sometimes it just make it a little hard to type. She is also a bit of a comedian. This morning she took off up the stairs and got to the landing and had a frantic scratch at the carpet [almost like a cat's version of Rocky but scratches instead of punches] and she went to run up the next flight and ran straight into the banister post. Who says cats aren't clumsy ;-)

Sometimes I wish I was I cat - it's cat's life

The Moo box

Go away goddamn it

Yep... Life is good

Be safe everyone :)

*hugs*
Sarah

Friday, September 9, 2011

let me try this again

Today has been one of those days and I have been going back and forward and back again as to study next year. So... being realistic, although photography would be awesome, I don't think I would actually take it anywhere as a career, that is if I am being honest with myself. I have read my handbook and checked courses and looked at different programs and I have now decided to do something I think I would be good at a Bachelor of Psychological Science. I have read the program and course structure and it's at the university I want to go to, it's the right length of study, I don't think I would have any problem getting in and it's commonwealth supported. What more could I ask for? So I am going to sit on it and make the change in a few days when I do know for sure what I am doing. I need to go to the university on monday and check a few things and then I will change my application again. You know what sucks, I ran out of free changes and now every time I change it, it will cost me $16.

Okay, no more about study for now, I promise :)

*hugs*
Sarah

a new direction

I was sitting thinking about what I was going to do now that I found out the course I was going to do study next year had limited job opportunities. At first I was sort of lost and didn't really know what to do but then today I started researching what I was interested in and have worked out what I want to do now. I am going to do a Bachelor of Photography, if I get in that is. Everyone who knows me knows that I love photography and have done for years, so it really is the obvious choice. The only reason I haven't done anything further with it than when I worked in the studio when I was 19 is because I don't have the technical training anymore, which is something I would get in the course.

Then I get to pick a major, funny that one of them I could choose from I would already have [Photo Journalism] upon completing the photography courses, as I have a degree in Journalism and I checked the course list and they are the courses I have already completed. I think I would be interested in commercial photography. I also asked about how hard it is to get in to that program and they told me that it is competitive but with my previous study and my GPA, I would have a rank of 98 or 99 anyway, which is right up the top and it is at the university I got my current qualifications from, which is NOT the university I used to work for, even better. Anyway, I will find out in January if I get in or not and then it's just a matter of starting study all over again. I never thought I would do that. I thought that chapter was over. Oh well, with this one, at least I'd have fun and I'd be at the college of art which is easy to get to for me.

I hope you are all doing well!

*hugs*
Sarah

what do I do now?

I rang my local library yesterday because since I am doing "Diploma of Library/Information Services" next year, I thought I'd do some volunteer work now. The guy I spoke to was really nice but he said that most places do not have volunteers anymore and that he didn't want to change my mind about my course, but that it's really hard to get a job in. I felt like a lead balloon fell in my tummy. So now I have to back to the drawing board to find something else to do that I might get a job out of. I have an appointment with a career counsellor on monday morning. I do have lots of other interests but I'm just not sure. I have thought about photography or web design or something like that because of being creative and having a lot of experience with photogaphy, a small amount with web design . I have no idea what to do!

*hugs*
Sarah

Thursday, September 8, 2011

repetition - October

I sat in Dr M's office yesterday and I told him I didn't understand how I just can't let the bullying I received at a certain university in a certain school there, nearly two years ago and that it has ruined every job I have had since then. I also said I didn't understand why now I was being bombarded by images of Janeane the bully, images of the office and other people that worked there. I remember in minute detail everything that happened. Right down to conversations with people during the time of the bullying. It's like I play it back over and over. Dr M pointed out that it's almost the anniversary [October] of this happening and this time last year I did the same thing by getting really depressed and then ultimately and it was in October, ending up in hospital for a month for that first admission.

I wonder how long I will play this pattern out. I hope it's not going to go on and on, year after year. I have thought of one thing I could do and that is voluntary work in a library, especially since this is what I want to study next year [Diploma of Library/Information Systems], to try and get some no pressure work experience that might give me some confidence in my own ability again. I think even studying will give me some confidence too. I don't want this to keep playing out. It's so hard. On Monday when this happened, I had no prn medication with me. I couldn't do anything but let the images come. It was really awful. I had swapped bags that morning and had forgotten one pocket. I want this to end :(

 Sometimes I feel so alone with this

*hugs*
Sarah

Tuesday, September 6, 2011

DBT - Self Soothe

Today was DBT day one for the week. We started off with yoga, or should I say, they started off with yoga, my legs were sore so I started off sitting on the sidelines drawing cartoons for my new zine, which I must say I am very happy with. After yoga and morning tea, it was time to check in with how we were feeling about R2 collapsing last week and since M and I had seen her at morning tea and knew she was okay, I was fine with how it was and very happy to see her I might add.

We then talked about homework, which was the distracting techniques in Wise-Mind ACCEPTS. I noticed that throughout the week I mainly used Activities like reading, listening to music and knitting, through there was one day I used Pusing away my thoughts and trying to come back to them later and only one of Sensations, which was loud loud music to try and shock my thoughts out of what I was thinking about. After we described how trying to change our thoughts felt like, we looked at our diary cards and how these skills were scattered throughout the week and why we used them on some days and not on others and if we didn't use them, why.

We then looked at Self-Soothe and how our senses can help to soothe us when we feel horrible. It is another distract kind of skill but it can be really nice. This afternoon I thought I would really get into the spirit and I bought a really nice oil burner and some lavender oil.


I love the gecko on each side and it was really relaxing to smell the lavender

When I think about what has helped me before, smell and touch are the ones that have helped the most. I carry crystals around with me and just feel their shape and I will also carry one of my oils around with me to sniff. I feel really relaxed now. It's a really nice feeling. I should do this more often ;-)

*hugs*
Sarah

New zine soon

So last night I started issue six of my zine By the Skin of My Teeth. If you don't know what a zine is or want to know about mine, have a look here. I have decided to change the style again and this is taking into account which zines I sell the most of, issue one and two. So I am going to combine the styles of these two zines. I started to actually write last night and it was really nice to be writing again after such a long hiatus as the last zine I printed, issue 5.5, was in April. I have started to write many times but it never felt right and there is no point pushing it. I have just checked Etsy, where I sell my zines and I now have had 61 sales. I am excited about that. I know it's not a lot but wow, to me it is awesome. Anyway, I'm off to write have a good day/night, wherever you are in the world :)

*hugs*
Sarah

Monday, September 5, 2011

Losing Emma

I kind of don't 100% know how I feel right now. I have known this day was coming for a while, although it's not here yet. The Australian government changed the amount of subsidised visits to a psychologist from up to 18 visits a year to only 10. I know I should be really happy that I started my visits with Emma a while ago and still have 9 visits left if I could fit them in before November but I probably can't. Right now Emma and I do not know what we are going to do. She can't work for free and I can't pay her. Catch 22. I know she really wants to work with me and I want to work with her but I just don't have the money. I was all frazzled and upset when I went into her office today and came out calm and together, even Andy could tell the difference in the phone call before and after. I wish I knew what to do :(

I guess I am lucky I have DBT and that my health insurance pays for that. If I didn't have that, I'd be stuffed. So I have 9 sessions to wind down with Emma and possibly pick up next year for 10 sessions. With all this extra mental health money, I just don't understand why they changed this policy. I also have really sore legs and butt from cleaning windows at Stepping Stone this morning. I recked my knitting and had to pull the whole lot apart and start again and I have a headache. Ugh, what a day! Sorry for the whinging and I hope that your day has gone better than mine has.

*hugs*
Sarah

Sunday, September 4, 2011

I wish I had a money tree!

This might make you laugh. I am not sure if any of you remembering me buying a sewing machine a few months ago. I was so excited when I got it and couldn't wait to get it home. I had a play the first time I had it but then I just couldn't practice on it. I think I was scared of the sewing machine. Then it got even worse when I then avoided it like the plague. It even bothered me that it was sitting on a table I was using for it in my living room/dining room. Then I because to resent it for being there and mocking me for not having the guts to use it. The more it was there, the more I avoided it. Then I had an idea!

My mum was buying the same machine but hadn't paid it off yet and she was here yesterday and so I asked her if she would swap with me and I sell it to her. and she cancel the lay-by. I rang and made sure of what she would have to pay to cancel it and it was only $5 and so she said yes! I was so happy that the damned machine was out of my house, I will get the money, which will help me buy Andy's birthday presents, plus some Christmas presents. So this has been really saving for end of the year stuff really. I am now really excited. I won't have to feel like I am letting everyone down by not being able to afford a present for them. Luckily there are only three presents I need to buy besides Andy's. I know I am getting in early but for me, that's a good thing because I am so bad with money. I wish I had a money tree :)



*hugs*
Sarah

Saturday, September 3, 2011

you know you can't let go when...

Last night while I was having a shower, I was thinking about my old boss that bullied me. I was imagining all these really horrible things happening to her and then I forced myself to stop. I pondered on the DBT skills I had re-learnt this week and I seriously could not think of one that would help. I think the only one that would, would be the sensations one, where you shock yourself out of a thought by using ice on your hand, having a cold shower, flicking a rubber band around your wrist etc, but I hate that particular skill. I find it makes me want to self harm, so I have always steered clear of it. So nothing seemed to be working. I wish I could let this go, jeez it was the end of 2009 really and I feel I should be past this by now. But then there is should/would/could blah blah. I am working with this issue with Emma, my psychologist, at the moment, so hopefully that will help.

In other news and not that exciting really for some of you, is that I learnt a new stitch in knitting yesterday. I am so excited about this. It is called the moss stitch and it is really nice. I am making throw rug squares at the moment. I am using a magazine called The Art of Knitting and it is teaching me the basics and a new stitch every week. I have another stitch to learn this week too but I can't remember its name. The only bad thing is I knitted so much, I hurt my back again by sitting too long.

I am also currently reading all the Harry Potter books from the beginning to keep myself busy. I never finished them because I got stuck in Order of the Phoenix when that mean teacher was making Harry do lines and it scratched his arm. I found it made me want to self harm, so I stopped reading it and have never gone past it. Now I am so so much better, I know I'll be fine and plus, I am expecting it. So I am reading the first book now and I am half way through. I also don't have a copy of them, so I am buying them too so I can collect them. I like that I can lose myself in these books and all of a sudden an hour has gone.

Anyway, I am crapping on here, so I will toddle off now.

*hugs*
Sarah

Friday, September 2, 2011

DBT: Distress Tolerance I

It went okay mostly. Except for one of our group members took a five minute break and promptly passed out and had a seizure. Then the duress alarm was pulled in our room and within 2 minutes there were nurses from everywhere, blood pressure machine people running in and out of our room. It was really full on. I was unfortunately in a position where I could see everything. Luca, one of the psychologists kept trying to distract me and asked me what I would do in a difficult situation and I told her I would concentrate on the chair I was sitting in and my feet on the floor. She asked me if I'd like to walk us through that and so I did.I told them all to close their eyes and I just started to do the relaxation and grounding exercise and it worked because it helps me too. 

Then it was time for learning a new skill and since we have just started distress tolerance, the first skill was the perfect one to start with. The one we looked at was Wise Mind ACCEPTS. I have to remind myself that I dont' have to do all of them, just to try them, especially when I am not having a crisis because this then trains you for when you are having one. This is what ACCEPTS stands for and these are all meant to help you to distract yourself from pain [emotional or physical] or a crisis and to get you to try other things rather than maladaptive behaviours that may work in the short term but not long term.

Activities: Do hobbies, watch a video, go for a walk, play a sport, cook, garden, go fishing, go shopping.

Contribute: Do volunteer work. Babysit so a friend can go out. Do something nice or surprising for someone.  

Comparisons: Compare yourself to people coping the same as or less well than you. If you are doing better than you were a year or two or five years ago, make that comparison. You could also compare yourself to others' suffering, watch weepy soap operas, read about disasters. Some people find this helpful, others don't.

Emotions: Read emotional books, go to emotional movies, listen to emotional music. For this to work, you need to read or watch or listen to things that have an emotion opposite to one you are feeling. If you are sad, watch a comedy. Watch a scary movie. Listen to silly music. If you are sad or angry, watch a silly or funny movie, and bust up laughing, you have changed your emotion and put yourself in a different place.

Pushing Away: Build an imaginary wall between yourself and the situation.  Imagine yourself pushing it away with all your strength. Block the situation in your mind. Each time it comes up, tell it to go away, or put some other thoughts in its place, perhaps some more pleasant thoughts. Refuse to think about it. Try putting the pain on a shelf, or in a box, to contain it and get it out of the way. You can get it later, but right now let it go.

Thoughts: Some examples are counting to 10 or counting the tiles in a floor or the panes in a window or the stars in the sky, anything to keep your focus on the counting.  Other ways of distracting with thoughts are reading, watching videos or movies, doing crossword puzzles or jigsaw puzzles, writing poetry.

Sensations: You might hold ice in your hand or apply it to the back of your neck, put a rubber band on your wrist and snap it, listen to loud music, take a hot, hard shower, a cold, hard shower, or swim in very cold water. Any strong physical stimulus like this can kind of jog loose your connection to your pain and distract you from it. 

I don't know if me putting this up is helpful or not, let know if it's too much. I thought I'd do this every Thursday night or Friday morning with new skills I am learning in DBT. Then I am reviewing them and it helps me and maybe some of it will help of you too :)
*hugs*
Sarah