Wednesday, November 30, 2011

I got accepted

I am really happy right now. I just found out that I got accepted into uni to do a Bachelor of Psychological Science. I have accepted the offer and will just do one course in semester one next year so I can finish DBT. I did check about this before I applied and you can do this program part time. I don't know what to say. I am nervous to tell Lucy in my one on one at DBT tomorrow in case she doesn't think I can do it. I know academically I can do it and I am sure we'll all get taught about keeping firm boundaries. I guess it's whether I can do that or not and I probably can't answer that right now. We'll have to see. Happy... happy... happy :)

*hugs*
Sarah

The winner Is...

Just a quick post to let those of you know who entered my zine competition that the winner is Saracide. Sara has won a copy of issue six of By the Skin of My Teeth. If you want to check out my zines, you can have a look at this page. You can buy a copy here or you can trade either another zine or something else that you have made, just email if you are interested in a trade at missy_moo74@yahoo.com.

*hugs*
Sarah

Tuesday, November 29, 2011

Positives for Tuesday

So I had a good day yesterday. I saw Dr D and she was really happy with me. She said if I was still doing really well in January, that she'd reduce my zyprexa to try and help me lose the weight I have put on by being in hospital. Though we both agreed that this has to be done with caution given my past with my eating disorder.Then I went into the city and I just sat and knitted until my appointment with the Hearing Australia to get my hearing aids fitted. So here are my positives.

1. I am actively using my DBT skills every day to practice them. Some of them are now automatic, like the distress tolerance skills.

2. I can hear again thanks to these little guys, aren't they tiny! I wore them right up until bed. The only problem is that I get feedback because of my neck condition my left shoulder sits right up, so my left aid squeals a bit.













3. Moo is getting better with me and although she still favours Andy, I am not jealous or upset. It's just that he hasn't left her for months at a time during hospital admissions. I plan to do better by her. This photo makes me laugh!





















4. Andy of course is a positive. He is awesome and I can't believe I found him. I found this photo and Moo looks so small, I can't wait to see what she looks like on Xmas day this year.

















5. Photos - I love taking them [obviously] but it's just something I really enjoy. There are a family of curlews that have two chicks right now in some scrub at my local shopping centre. I would love to photograph them. I will have to make it a priority!

Be safe and be happy and thanks for reading :)  oh and don't forget my zine comp!

*hugs*
Sarah

Monday, November 28, 2011

hearing

All of you probably don't know that I have a profound hearing loss in my left ear and a mild loss in my right. Today I get fitted with new hearing aids, but I must admit that I am dreading it. See they didn't find out I was deaf until I was in grade 7. I missed all the grounding of school because I couldn't hear, I sat and stared at the window/doodled in my notebook and there pretty much missed everything. The school just kept saying I had a low IQ but when they tested it it cam up as above average.

Then it was autism/ADHD/you name it. It wasn't until a travelling hearing service came to my small country town school and tested me, that everyone was shocked. They sent me to Australian Hearing, which back then was National Accusitcs Laboratory. Funny how you remember these things. I got re-tested and then fitted with hearing aids. I hated them. I would rip them out because I never got used to them and they make my ears sweat inside and I hate it when they squeal.

This time though and this time is one of many, I will try and wear them. They have directional microphones in them, so I know they will work but I have to really see a difference to wear them. Today I am getting the sound levels tested on them that is right for me and I will bring them home with me. I love that they will be silver, it will match my jewellery! Wish me luck, as it will be very overwhelming to start with hearing all that stuff I don't normally.

Don't forget my zine come, here!

*hugs*
Sarah

Saturday, November 26, 2011

new zine competition

I finally finished issue six of By the Skin of My Teeth and I tell you, this zine was so hard to make. It took a long time, I can't remember now how many months but longer than three, to make this zine. I wrote and re-wrote the first section of it and then wrote and then edited and edited. What I originally set out to do didn't happen. The zine kept molding and shaping as life was spinning by and what I was writing suddenly didn't matter or it really did but didn't fit the style of the zine. You can't tell by the picture but it has a red cover and the photo of the title is by me. I love trying to figure out what to make the sign on or out of next.

So, in tradition with all the zines I have ever made, I am holding a competition with the prize being a copy of my new zine. All you have to do is comment. You can say anything you want to. Today is Saturday, so I'll make the end of the competition Wednesday night my time [Australian time], so anyone over the other side of the sea, Wednesday morning. I will draw the names out of a hat and announce the winner the same night. You can read the description in my zine page, right down the bottom.

I know it doesn't look red, but it's meant to be

Good luck

*hugs*
Sarah

Friday, November 25, 2011

the outcome and some pics

I had my eyes tested today and I do need new glasses. The optometrist said that it will be worse when I am 40... joy [not]! Anyway, I got to go around trying on glasses and I picked out two red pairs, one for normal glasses and one for sunglasses. They both felt very comfortable and they were pretty cool too. I showed the lady my voucher and she went away to give me a price after my health insurance went through and it was only $31.50. I was so happy with that, how could you complain! I will get my new glasses in about two weeks.

On the way home I stopped and got some pool accessories [pool noodles] in the hope that I could convince Andy to come swimming with me this afternoon. It's warm enough 27 degrees [80.6 F] and it's really really humid. It's oppressive in a way, it feels heavy. I'm all hot and yucky and sticky and I really hate that.

Here are some pics that I took over the last few days.

This is the phone bill that Andy got just after he met me and they were all calls he that he made to me and the bill came to $1200 for one month. He got such a shock and he never told me the amount until a year after we had been seeing each other. We keep the bill because it's kind of a reminder of what love can do :)

Moo helping [hindering] Andy while he is stamp collecting

Awww... my girl :)

I know I am such a sucker for Moo photos. Forgive me if they are annoying.

*hugs*
Sarah

Glasses and little squares

Today I am going to get my eyes tested. I have noticed that I am having trouble being able to read close up now sometimes, which has never happened to me before. I was trying to read the needle size I had to use for a knitted project and it was written on the label that went around the yarn but I had to bring it closer to see. I've aways just had issues with long distance and when I am at the computer with the text not be clearly black or whatever colour. The good thing is I probably won't have to pay much for new glasses. I have a voucher I got in the mail the other day - awesomeness - and it's for two pairs of glasses, so I can get sunglasses as well. My health insurance will pretty much all of the cost. This will also help my knitting, especially with my current project. I need to be able to see. For those of you over the other side of the sea, happy holidays. I hope you all stay safe and happy or at least okay.

Here's what I am knitting and it's called little squares.


*hugs*
Sarah

Thursday, November 24, 2011

hard to write

It's been really hard to write lately. I don't know if it's just me but it seems that everyone on blogger is suffering a bit of writers block. I notice that there are a lot few posts when I get up in the morning. I have trouble getting up in the morning at the best of times but I usually don't feel like writing, like now! Then there is the afternoon where I'm too tired to write and just want to sit somewhere cool and knit. Then there is the times like just then, where I will be thinking about something and I completely forget I am writing a post and just sit there staring, not meaning to but not catching myself. It reminds me of zine writing. It can be very hard sometimes. Like the zine I am about to print, I struggled with that for so long. It took a couple of months to write.

Today I have DBT and it is so overcast and is supposed to rain all day. It's oppressively warm. The humidity is high. I came out of an air conditioned bedroom and into the rest of the house and you notice the difference. This is a writing killer too. There is nothing worse that feeling sticky and hot. I fear that's what today will be like, although it's meant to be cooler. The weather bureau seem to only know the weather when they poke their head out of their tiny little windows. Anyway, hope you are all doing well. Hello to new people and welcome and thank you for joining us. Feel free to comment.

Five quick positives
1. I wasn't drugged out from my meds from last night this morning
2. Moo let me pat her this morning even though she is in a crazy/mad mood
3. My knitting is coming along really well and I am so happy with it
4. I built a bridge with a person in DBT who was being rude to me and now she is fine
5. I haven't had any when necessary medication/prn for ages

What are your five?

Moo photo of the day

I'm glad I didn't run down the stairs in a hurry

Tuesday, November 22, 2011

Life begins now...

I went to DBT today and it was so heavy in that room. Some stuff came out about one of the group members and it was about her childhood abuse and it was shocking, it gave me insight into why this person acts the way she does and gave me a deep respect for her suffering.

Since I have been well, I don't talk much in group anymore. I just listen and talk when I am spoken to. It's not intentional and I am listening but I feel like I need to keep quiet. I feel good at the moment too still. Like I had a switch turned in my brain and it's working again. Andy and I are getting on so well. He is awesome. I've missed the kind of closeness that I have with him again, for so long. I don't want to become unwell again and lose this and I will try my hardest not to.

I can't believe I've only been out of hospital just over two weeks. It feels like months ago. I am enjoying being me again. This is the me I feel is waking up after using radical acceptance on the bullying. I can't change it. I can't go back. I need to let it go and so I think I have done so. I think writing to that newspaper with info on my old workplace and what happened, really helped. It was like exorcising it. I think that when DBT finishes, I want to go back to work part time. That would be awesome but at a different university.

Life begins now... :-)

*hugs*
Sarah

Sunday, November 20, 2011

serenity and a naughty little Moo

I have this really cool feeling of peace come over me this morning and I am not sure why but hey, I will run with it. It's not often that I get this exact feeling, but it's really nice. But wind back about an hour and there was a naughty little Moo [my cat] at the door of my bedroom, meowing her head off. Ironically I am wearing a pyjama top that says "What part of Meow don't you understand!"  So I ignored her and went back to sleep. The only unfortunate thing about today is that I have my headache still and it's quite painful but I still feel the serenity :)

I am have also started a new knitting pattern. It's my own one that I made myself and is pretty easy if I concentrate a bit but I really want to learn how to do lacy type patterns. That "yarn over, knit two together" thing just gets me. I can do it but then I have trouble with the next row. It's frustrating. I wish I could just know how to do intuitively. I can actually see how to do it, but doing it is another thing.

Zine update - half of the layout is done but I got white out/liquid paper all over the table. I wanted to white something out where I had made a mistake and when I opened top, the brush flicked all over the table, so then I try and rub it off and end up rubbing it all over the table ! It's a really nice wooden table though but when I confessed to Andy, he was cool, he said he would be able to get it off easy. 

The Moo photo of the day
I wish I could be entertained that easily ;-)


*hugs*
Sarah

Saturday, November 19, 2011

knitting, zining, an awful headache and ducks

So yesterday I decided to stay home because I keep getting asked by Dr D and by Sue if I am doing too much. Instead I decided to start the layout of my zine and I sat too long [the dining room table chairs are so hard you get a sore butt, seriously]. So then I decided I would knit but also sat too long on a too soft sofa and ended up in the bean bag to try and find a way to support my body. It worked for a while but I still felt very sore.

Then Andy wanted to kick the soccer ball around and I begrudgingly went along with it, even though it will help with my new diet and I was blessed with about 25 ducks on the field. Now I know this is really childlike and it is, but I got the urge to chase the ducks around, all the while Andy trying to protect the poor creatures. So I got some exercise in the end by running around like a maniac and kicking the ball and throwing it back and forth for a bit.

And then this morning, the headache hit... maybe it's justice for the ducks :-/

Ouch, is the first word. I went back to bed twice and tried to sleep it away but it hasn't really worked. I still have the headache and I just really can't do too much. Sitting here is okay for short periods but that's about it. I might try and do some of my zine later. I want to try and get it the master done for printing on Monday. Fingers crossed.

Headache headache go away, don't come back another day :-/

*hugs*
Sarah


Friday, November 18, 2011

Positive Friday

Success Stories
- I made it through group even though I was struggling with the behaviour of another member of the group and I didn't leave early to get away from her.
- I was humbled when I had to ask Andy for money because I had used mine up too early in the fortnight and he said yes. I did promise to pay him back.
- I started a healthy diet to lose the 13kg I put on in the last year while in hospital but I am doing it the right way
- I am sleeping through the night for the first time in ages, without having to take a huge amount of medication. 

Gratitudes/things that make me happy
- Andy and Moo
- Knitting
- Having birthday money and gift cards I still haven't spent
- Finding Ravelry and finding an awesome pattern on there for free

Challenge/Cheerleading statements
- It's okay for someone not to like me, not everyone will
- Try and not let others bad behaviour get in your way, because it is really an extension of their own pain [you are so right Pixie]
- I am a good person and worthwhile, even if Andy and I have an uneven balance in the household finances right now
- Even if the household is not balanced right now, I must remember than when Andy has been depressed, I have worked while he stayed home

Today is layout day for my next zine issue. I am sure I will have a headache and a sore back at the end but it will be worth it. I am thinking of you guys. I keep looking for your posts and I have been reading those that have been posted and commented here and there. Hello to new people and thanks for reading for those that don't join us but just read on their own. Feel free to add your two cents. Happy Friday to everyone when it arrives for you :)

*hugs*
Sarah

I am learning to colour my way through life... step by baby step

Thursday, November 17, 2011

Previous post removed and reposted

I was so angry when I got home. I don't know if my post was read by anyone but I just wanted to say that when something is so fresh in my mind and I am so angry, I should probably put off a post by a few hours. I did some knitting and watched TV and although I still feel the way I did, it's not overbearing. I have to deal with my problems with DBT and the person who is being so nasty/rude and I think to some extent, jealous, it's just hard to deal with it when you are in group from 9am to 2:30pm.

There are breaks but sometimes I end up in a break with this person, who this morning turned her back only on me during morning tea break and instead faced everyone else at the table. I feel sorry for her. I obviously remember what she was like before the rest of the group was formed while I was in hospital and I guess that gives me some power over her. I can only speculate on her behaviour but it just seems so petty. I do know that others in the group don't like her and she is often dismissed when she puts forward her ideas and I also suspect from comments, that the psychologists don't like her either. I know I should probably just say to her that I am not a threat but her constant behavioural tantrums almost really get to me.

Can anyone suggest a way to deal with constant negative behaviour that has worked for you? I know I could try doing mindfulness techniques but then I would be doing that all day long, over and over, which I know is the point of mindfulness but that would just wear me out. Maybe I could write a letter to her that I never hand over and get out some of my aggression that way. That way no one gets hurt, but would it carry over into real life and not antagonise me more? Ugh! I hate this stuff. I really don't like confrontation at all. I go dead quiet when there is confrontation, even here at home. I won't talk until I feel okay. I do that in group too, I just won't talk unless I am directly spoken to. It makes it hard. Any good ideas would really help if you have them!

*hugs*
Sarah

Monday, November 14, 2011

Her Hairiness

Well I don't know about you guys, but don't cats just have a way about them that is regal and upper class? Andy and I have come to start calling Moo, Her Hairiness, because she always seems to look so regal. Anyway, I'll let you decide. Here is this morning's photo.

She always does the paw crossing thing, I think it's really cute

The reason I can't decide if she is entirely regal, is because about five minutes later she had her paws all in the air upside down, looking very un-her hairiness like ;-)

*hugs*
Sarah

Sunday, November 13, 2011

frustration

I am so tired! Today I decided was going to be the day for issue six of By the Skin of My Teeth. I printed it all, trimmed the pages, put them in order, worked out the layout order and started to do the layout. I was nearly at the end when I noticed my mistake. I had the layout order wrong. I had too many pages on one side than the other and so that meant that I had just wasted hours of work and had then throw out the pages into recycle. I can't believe I didn't use my mock up. I never ever put a zine together without that. It is basically just blank paper, the right amount, with the page numbers on it and I copy it and I have never gone wrong that way. Sigh!!!! It's good that that is all I have to worry about right now. That my page numbers didn't match up and I have to start again. It just means though that now it's going to put publication date back another week. Like I said, small things!

*hugs*
Sarah

Saturday, November 12, 2011

My birthday

My birthday is on the 16th and I got my first birthday present today. My mum took me to a store that sells yarn and I got to pick out some stuff that I wanted. I am very happy with the purchases and will show you the results as soon as I have done it.

I am making a throw rug and I have three squares done so far, not much I know considering I have 11 issues of the magazine already. I have some photos of them but they are really shitty photos. I just took the photos of them on my bed and you can get the general idea of the pattern.

This was little ladders. It is a square but is curling in. I am sure you get the idea.

I finished this one this morning, I still have to put little crosses embroidered on. 

Please excuse the colours of the photos, they both came out very blue. Both patterns took me a few goes because I would stuff up and not know how to fix it. The good thing now is that I can take back a stitch or row of stitches if they are wrong. All of the squares are 15cmx15cm square and there are meant to be 90 squares all up. It is going to be a big throw rug. 

I've had such a good day today. It's awesome to feel like this. I am now knitting a scarf [what a surprise] but it has a ribbon wrapped in the yarn. It is so pretty. I hope I don't stuff that up, it would be very hard to take back out. Fun, fun, fun, literally :)

*hugs*
Sarah

Quick Post

If you are trying to find me on Etsy for my zines and you can't, it's because I have changed my shop name from sabby120 to MoosZineCorner. So the web addy would be www.etsy.com/shop/MoosZineCorner.

*hugs*
Sarah

Friday, November 11, 2011

Birthday number 1

Today is Andy's birthday and I woke up really early [5:30], not by choice but by the light coming through my windows. I then realised it was his birthday and I got really excited and ran downstairs to give him a huge hug and birthday wishes. Then it was present time and I must say, he was very happy with his food processor [he loves to cook] and then later from his parents a deep fryer [not happy about that one] but hey.

Then we had the task of visiting his dad in hospital, who had just had a prostate cancer removed yesterday. He didn't look great in comparasion to his non-stop go go go that is his normal self. Then we came home. I did some knitting and I must say I am exhausted. We will go through all of this again in five days because the 16th is my birthday, though Andy's dad won't be unwell then.

Today felt very positive and I am really happy with how I have been since I left hospital a week ago today. I have been able to own the responsibility of overspending while manic while in hospital [for example, the new mobile phone and phone plan even though I still had nine months on another phone]. I just keep saying to myself "consequences". There are things on my new phone that I don't like, like that it's so quiet when it rings, though I am deaf in my left ear. I keep having to call people back and it's on it's loudest setting. The store I got it from just said "find a louder ringtone, we can't help you". Oh well. I hope you are all doing well and had a good or will have a good day.

*hugs*
Sarah

HAPPY BIRTHDAY ANDY
LOVE YOU LOTS!

Thursday, November 10, 2011

heaviness

I had my first DBT session today after being discharged from the group after being in hospital too long. It was really good going back and I knew everyone except on person and the new person was really nice anyway. We are doing the interpersonal effectiveness module at the moment and it is okay, but in the last part of the session a whole heaviness settled over the whole group. We were talking about inadequacies and work and everyone felt this really badly. It was like someone dumped a bucket of cold water in the room because everyone went quiet and it was yucky. It lasted for ages too which didn't help.

I am not looking at this as a bad thing, it just means we are feeling our feelings and getting them out. In the end it's probably a good thing, talk about the yucky things in a room where it goes nowhere. I was really impressed by the whole group of how we handled it and then at the end we played hangman to lighten the mood so we didn't go home feeling that yuckiness still. I am feeling okay and just a bit tired. Of course I would have the tiredness after all that emotion! It's Andy's birthday tomorrow, so I am focusing on that. I am so excited about giving him his presents :)

*hugs*
Sarah

Wednesday, November 9, 2011

Andy said...

After dinner tonight, Andy and I were playing jokes on each other and then he stopped and told me I was the most well he has seen me in over a year! That made me feel so good. Like the last five weeks in hospital were worth it.

And thinking about this made me think of my meds. I was going to exhaust my supply of lamictal and then go off it but now that I am well I don't think I can mess that up. The 50mg lamictal and the 20mg abilify seem to do somethhing together that I haven't had happening together for a long time. So we decided tonight that I will stay on the lamictal for now and just wait and see. I think Dr D is going to be really happy about that decision. I think I am too. Be well :)

*hugs*
Sarah

Tuesday, November 8, 2011

Back to DBT

I am so excited. Today Lucy, my DBT therapist, told me there is a place for me back in the group and I can start on Thursday woohoo! I have so wanted to get back into DBT and I am excited that I can go back so soon. Everything seems to be falling into place, though not without issues.

Today I had my hearing tested again [I have been profoundly deaf in my left ear since I was born] but today when they tested, they at first thought I had gotten worse in my right ear but then when they went back to when I was a child, it was the same. I have to now where two hearing aids. I hate the things with a passion but I am sick of not being able to hear stuff. I can hear find in a room with no one else but one person or two, but give me a group and I struggle or give me a loud background, like a road and I'm stuffed.

But anyway, after the hearing test I went to Steppiing Stone for an hour to say hi and it was good to see everyone. I had lunch with Brad and he is now my team leader in the housing area. I am really excited about this. I was hoping to go thursday but now I have DBT and I don't want to miss that. I told them about it too just in case. I told them I'd be back monday.

The only bad thing, I got a really bad headache today and I still have it. I think it's just because of getting back into stuff and maybe a bit quickly. I will have to keep an eye on it. I am staying home tomorrow because I have my outreach nurse Sue.

As for DBT, just a huge yay. I can now get back to a normality I am used to and also keeping busy and learning skills I need to cope at the same time or should I say re-learning. Hope you are all well, thanks so so much for all your kind words and support. Be well :)

*hugs*
Sarah

Monday, November 7, 2011

going on along just fine

I was so worried about how I would go this week being the first week out of hospital. So far I am going really well. I saw Dr D today and that went really well, although I had to get a referral for her from a doc that was really dodgy. I turned up not knowing whether the referral would be okay but it was thankfully.

I got my HTC phone back today and it's going well. I have spent all afternoon transferring contact details though, not my favourite thing to do. But at least I got to do it with Moo snoozing next to me.

I also got a phone call from Lucy today to start my one on ones to get back into DBT. I think that will happen really soon. I know there are spots left in her group. That would be awesome. I am feeling so happy and positive but not in an over the top way.

Tomorrow will be the test. I have a hearing test early and then nothing until 2:30pm [Lucy]. I am going to have to have something in the middle because that's when my brain goes crazy. So I have decided to go to Stepping Stone for a while and hang out with my support worker there. I told her I'd be there today but I was just tired after the really good session with Dr D.

In any case, I hope you are all doing okay. I have started to get to blogs but I am slow and I obviously can't read five weeks worth of every blog. So please be patient, it might be a case of catch up from now. I had an awesome day, so I am sending out some awesomeness for all of you! Be safe! Be happy! Have fun :)

*hugs*
Sarah

freak out

Okay, this morning is going to be very stressful, though you wouldn't know it by contented little Moo snoozing on my wooden chest. I have my appointment with Dr D today and I remembered and 4pm on a Sunday that I need a referral for her. So I google "7 day medical centre" and find one in the city, which is where I catch the bus to Dr D. I ring them and they are open [yippee] and I ask the cost and find out they bulk bill [ie. I don't pay anything because I am on a government rebate card, medicare pay] and I then ask if they have any appointments early Monday and they have one at 9:30am and I take it, but that leaves me one hour to get to Dr D. I am so anxious that they will take forever. The lady reassured me that I would be seen on time but I can't help but worry! Big deep breath! Thank god I remembered about the referral or I wouldn't have been able to see Dr D at all. Hope you are all safe and well :)

*hugs*
Sarah

Saturday, November 5, 2011

I''m home and all is well

I got home yesterday morning at around 10am and it didn't feel weird. I was so happy to slowly go through the day and just have a normal day. No nurses walking into my room saying "checks!"  There were a few times that I didn't know what to do with myself but after a while I got back into the hang of it. I don't remember if I told you that I got a new phone, yes I did I think. It was tested to be faulty but all that is faulty is my knowing how to use it apparently. So I have to have session with a guy in the tech department for him to show me how to use it. I'm not too worried, just that I will miss my beloved iphone. But it will be in good hands as Andy is inheriting it. He has never had a smartphone before. It was cool watching him play with it yesterday.

Today I have been knitting, a few things actually. I first started by doing the next blanket square for my throw rug I am making with the "The Art of Knitting" magazine. In the shops it's up to issue 10 and I have all those issues but I am only up to three, so I am attempting to catch up. Then I saw some really cool yarn in my local shops. I had no idea what I was going to match it with as it is yellow, pink and orange and I was wracking my brain as to what to knit it with, as I wanted to join the multicolour with another single colour. I went all the way through my knitting box and I couldn't find a thing, then I had a look at this really soft red yarn I made my Nana's scarf out of and it actually looks good. I was really surprised.

Who would have thought
Knitted together they look like this, I know it's bright, but I like it and it's so soft.

So now I am home and am rested. I even slept through the night. I thought yesterday I would have a nap but the nurses retrained my brain and I couldn't GRRRRR damn nurses. Oh well, that's probably a good thing.

I promise, promise, promise to catch up on your blogs, I was going to do that now but Andy is yelling at me to help him clean out our old fridge that is dying. How I missed housework NOT! Be safe my friends.

*hugs*
Sarah

Friday, November 4, 2011

bright eyed and bushy tailed


Yes these are my PJs and socks, good combination don't you think ;-)  It is ony just after 5:30am this morning but since it's my last day, I conned the nurse into letting me have my laptop and phone early, not that I will be phoning anyone. I feel good at the moment today but I know it could get rocky when I get picked up and am at home. I am missing Moo like nothing on earth, I am just lucky to have seen Andy a few days ago. It will be awesome to be with him again.

So now when I get home I will no longer have to rely on pre-paid internet. It's not that it's bad but it just runs out quickish. It will be nice to not have to worry about my belongings getting stolen or someone going off their nut about something. Every day someone self-harms and that can be triggering, especially when it's a friend and they sit with you for meals. I have to remind myself that my home life is 150% better than that. And I have a furry friend I don't have here. Though I am sure I will be ignored today for the absence and how she feels about it. I hope not though. I have a magnet on my fridge that says "You're nobody until you have been ignored by a cat!"  I like that saying because it's so true, they can 'loudly' ignore you, if you know what I mean.

So anyway, I am going to go and get packing. I hope you are all well, hello to The Girl, I like your blog too :-)

*hugs*
Sarah

Thursday, November 3, 2011

scary territory

I am going home tomorrow and I am terrified. I know that this is normal for psych patients that have been in for a while to feel but I do. I feel safe here and out there in the big wide world, I don't. I think it's going to be really hard for a few weeks until I reintegrate back into society. I know once I get the hang of it and get my weeks organised, I will wonder what all the fuss was about, but it's just getting to that point. I feel like I am going in all different directions at the same time and it's going to pull me apart.

So today I am going to groups: Barriers to change - being stuck; Managing Depression and the last one is awesome, Relaxation, where I get to have my illegal sleep ;-)  I am not meant to sleep through the day but I find relaxation group puts me to sleep and they don't mind because I am "doing a group". I'm naughty. I must be positive! I have to be otherwise I will just keep coming in and out of hospital and never get better. Think happy thoughts for me!

*hugs*
Sarah

Wednesday, November 2, 2011

Going home Friday

WOOHOO!!!!!!!!!

mood elevated

This is what keeps getting written in my chart lately. Dr D let me go on category 1 yesterday to get my gapapenten from another hospital [long story] and I bought a depressed friend of mine the most gorgeous bear and I also bought wool. Dr D wasn't impressed. She said I was only supposed to get the tablets and every time she puts me on cat 1, I go shopping. She is now considering keeping me longer than friday, which is when I thought I was going home. It's frustrating, either depressed or manic, is there ever an inbetween for me? Thinking of you all. In two tomorrow I have been in hospital five weeks :(

*hugs*
Sarah