Tuesday, September 11, 2012

Side effects

I have just been in hospital for a week to fix my medication after I was having some awful side effects of my medication. I had blurry vision, my legs and arms would twitch and jerk now and then, shaking in general, tripping, heavy sedation and just a really high anxiety. My doctor straight away change three drugs at once. I don't know whether that was a good idea because we won't know which one was doing it. I ended up going from 800mg of seroquel-XR to 600mg, from 20mg abilify to 15mg and splitting the dose of my lamictal into morning and night at 100mg morning and 125mg at night. It took a while and my anxiety was still really high on Thursday last week but it was slowly getting better, my shaking was just in my hands the jerking limbs settle, though I still do get it occasionally but usually just a twitch but my blurred vision stayed. On Wednesday I though to check it it was my glasses, which I had to get leave to go get as they were at home. I tested them and my vision was a bit better but still blurry, so I went on Friday to get an eye test. It turned out that my last optometrist got the axis of my astigmatism incorrect or it has changed and I also found out that the reading glasses he gave me, I don't need, as I can use the same glasses for both. I am getting my new pair sometimes this week, but it really helped with the anxiety and it pretty much went away when I knew what the blurry eyes were from. I saw Dr D yesterday and she was happy to let me go and I was happy to go home.

On Saturday I went and visited Andy and we had a really awesome day. We played board games and just chatted. I know that we will never be together that way again but I also know that I miss him so much when he is not around me. I don't like the drunken side but it doesn't happen alot these days, just now and then. I know it's still there but I do protect my heart. The fact of the matter is that I still love him so much and that is really hard. I don't know that that is going to go away anytime soon. Anyway, that is it from me for now. Hope you are all doing well and thanks you to those that still comment on my posts, I am really slack at reading as I just plain don't have the concentration these days. I used to read a book a week, now it takes me months. I think that's really sad. Oh well.


Tuesday, September 4, 2012

Yes I know!

I didn't know whether I would ever write here again but I decided that I still have stuff to say and no one to tell it too but the spiders in the wall at midnight. My housing accommodation sucks right now. We just had this guy move in under a forensic order. This accommodation that I am in is transitional, which means that I have to move on in six months, that all the other housemates (3) have mental illnesses and it's cheap.

I am in hospital. I have a lot of thinking to do. I need to decide my future because I am not coping in the house. I spent three weeks crying in my psychiatrist's office before she said okay, enough is enough.There are choices, sure, but there are too many. This is what I have so far:

1. Stay in the house, then go to four walls housing when it comes up and then finally public housing (my old place I lived in before Andy was great)
2. Do a combination of 2 weeks at my house, 2 weeks in respite and 2 weeks in hospital and then start again.
3. Move in with my Mum, but this means relocating away from my doctor/friends/city. She was willing to combine three rooms together and put in a kitchenette.
4. And then there is Andy and who knows what's going on there :-/

Emma my psychologist told me I was wasting my time doing nothing and she suggested I write all this stuff that's in my head, that's in my journals, that's in my zines and that's on this blog and to use my humour to do it. I think I might just, it's a new project.