Wednesday, April 10, 2013


I've been doing so well lately, even despite the hospital admission which was actually a record for me anyway and it was actually good. I had become addicted to valium and I went off it cold turkey, bad move. I had advice from two people though beforehand, my mum a senior nurse and my outreach nurse Sue and they both said that would be okay to do it that way. I since found out I could have had a seizure with the amount I was taking a day to just have a nap. I then went off my when necessary seroquel 100mg tablets and then it was the zyprexa that I was actually supposed to be taking. It was all a bit of a disaster really because when I went off the zyprexa, firstly I got manic almost straight away, I was really high and agitated. My new boyfriend Dov was struggling with me because I couldn't calm down. I ended up going back on the zyprexa and woke up the next day with a horrible crash. It truly sucked that I still didn't have my high, nice-ish to have but not productive. I went to hospital that day after almost 7 weeks out, my record before that was only a pitiful three weeks. I only stayed in for 5 days, when normally it would be 10 days to two weeks or more. I came out really well, I still am, bar some anxiety in my CBT group yesterday.

Yesterday at group a girl got upset and burst into tears and ran out of the room in one activity with one of the psychologists going after her, then another girl burst into tears and asked the other psychologist if she could speak to her and then they went outside. So when they came back in we all talked about the situation, which was very uncomfortable, so my legs started to jiggle. To finish we did a stupid game to release the heaviness of the group, we'd all been affected. I hate games, so I jiggled some more and it got worse, I started to sweat. Did I say I hate games? I know I did but I really hate them. I get embarrassed during them terribly and my mind goes blank and everyone is looking me. I hate it. GRRRR!

I got home and Dov was waiting for me, which was nice. We went shopping, how exciting ;-) and then we had breakfast cereal for dinner, yeah, really healthy, he he. Other than that we just hung out together. He's an awesome musician and so I he has music today, he plays the piano and guitar really well and he can sing, I love listening to him. He also used to be a dancer in the Australian Ballet. Love love love! He is awesome. He is such a gem. How corny is that!!!! I am truly happy for once in a long time. I'm off the valium still, I occasionally take a small dose of seroquel, only 25mg or 50mg if it's bad, enough to take the edge off but not to bomb me out. Proud proud proud of myself. Anyway, I am going to wake Dov up, did I tell he lives next door! I never knew to start with. Funny how things turn out. Anyway, over and out, hope you are all doing well. I promise to try and read some more blogs and at least try and leave a message, but I find that so hard these days. Especially now I am studying again. Okay, really going now. Take special care, each and every one of you and thanks for reading.