Friday, December 27, 2013

what to do

One of the things I decided to do when I got manic was to go back to uni and finish (or should I say start) my Bachelor of Psychological Science degree. I got into this program two years ago but discontinued in both 2012 and this year. I am now suddenly feeling rather anxious about it and it doesn't even start until march. I know I will be fine though.

I also have had lots of other thoughts pop into my head as well, like basically what to do with my life period. I just don't know, it's really hard and it seems like a really important time for me right now. I do know one thing for sure, Dov and I are fine.

Today I am going to get my supplies for my new zine that I have started. It's a cartoon based zine and I will reveal more about this over the next few weeks/month. It's all very exciting though. I will say one thing, it's a brand new series. By the Skin of My Teeth was the zine of times gone by, mainly my old life before and during the time I left Andy. I haven't done a zine in over a year, now's the time to start I believe.

I can't believe it's New Year soon and with that will come a whole heap of resolutions. Well I don't do resolutions, I do wishes instead. So my new year's wish is that Dov and I and my family are well and healthy next year. I also wish that my zine goes really well. What are your wishes? I'd love to hear them.

In any case, have a safe and happy new year celebration. To those who don't celebrate new year, have a good day anyway. Wishing you all the best.

Sarah xx

Monday, December 23, 2013

Mania

I woke up this morning and I'm now so torn about what to do about the psychology degree. There is a part of me that really wants to do it regardless. I have my appointment with my outreach person from the clinic I go to when I'm not well. I think I will just ask her and hope that she has an idea better than I do.

In other news I think I have been and possibly still am manic. I have a checklist of things I do when I am manic and it seems like I am.

* mess around with my medication  - check
* not sleeping as well as normal - nope
* crazy shopping - check (I have racked up a $600 credit card bill in a week
* obsession with eBay - check
* quick, rash ideas and following them - check (hence going back to uni, only decided on friday and have bought a whole heap of stuff for it)
* spent money saved for important purposes - check (I spent my hospital excess money for my health insurance which, means I have to put in on my credit card)

What can I say to save my case? Not much really. I guess I have to reel it in a bit and try and gain control. I know I can and it won't be with taking more medication. I can do it on my own.

 confusion

Sarah xx

Sunday, December 22, 2013

told

I had decided that I was going to go back to uni next year and start/finish my psychology degree. I started this year and I did two weeks and quit. Thing was was that I was so drugged out of my head on valium and seroquel, the days before I realised I had a problem with them, that I couldn't concentrate on anything.

Last week I was wondering what I was going to do with my life, again, I've had a few in this life time. It came to me that I would love to do this degree and so I put the wheels in motion, filled out the paperwork for readmission and went from there. I was talking to Dov about it and he let fly that he thought it was a shitty idea, that I was throwing away  my artwork and just doing something that everyone wants to do right now... psychology - apparently.

I was quite taken back with how he was talking to me and as I explored the idea that he might be right, I realised that he was. I started doing oil painting a few weeks ago but didn't like the cleaning up that came with it, so I decided to go with acrylics only to never paint anything at all in it and have been running from since. I love to draw, that is my passion. I am doing my cartoons every day. I have started a panel of a daily cartoon from the previous day. It's fun and I love it.

So yes, I am also running away from drawing too by not studying any further in a book that Dov gave me. I was kinda hoping he wouldn't notice but alas, he did. So the question is, which should I do? He said that my art stuff like my zines, my cartoons, my drawing, should be something I work on during the day, instead of doing what I have been doing lately, shopping! I know!!!!!

So I realised that I was probably just filling in time with uni because I didn't know what to do. I already have two degrees, I don't think I could do another and end up doing nothing with it. It's too much money. So after speaking with Dov I am looking at doing a zine which is based on cartoons. It will be a great project and one I will enjoy doing.

I hope all of you out there have an awesome holiday season :)

Sarah xx