Wednesday, February 12, 2014

yesterday

Well yesterday was awful. I have my medication packed at the pharmacy and given to me on a weekly basis due to the fact that I stuff around with it. Well I have been over-medicating for a while now and I mean on a daily basis. Like I will take my PRN medication, my only when needed medication and instead of taking it through the day, I take it all at once. Yesterday I went a bit further than that. I peeled open my last two packs of pharmacy bedtime meds and took out the olanzapine (5mg) and I took them with 10mg of diazepam and 200mg seroquel. I slept for three hours and then I was wide awake and functioning. I'm crashing at the moment from a manic episode and so now I everything feels awful and terrible and sad. I feel so sad. I just want to sleep. I hate having this awareness of what's going on and have no power to stop it. It's so frustrating. It scares the crap out of me. Don't worry, I am okay and I'm having my second session in a week session with her (this never happens) today. Along with Dr D, Emma, my psychologist, also though I should be in the clinic for a bit. I think Dr D is going to push that today, especially since I had to go to the pharmacy and ask for more olanzapine, embarrassing. I just want to be okay again. I wish I'd never messed with my meds when I was so well.



Sarah xx

4 comments:

AVY said...

I know it's frustrating but don't give up.

/Avy

http://mymotherfuckedmickjagger.blogspot.com

Erin said...

Please be careful. I do this shit too and got my Ativan rx revoked by my psychiatrist because I couldn't take it responsibly. I can't take Neurontin or Seroquel anymore, either, because I will abuse it.

I think I do it for the same reason that you do... I'm sure you don't want to end up back in the hospital or worse. Take care.

Erin said...

I just read your 'I'm a Drug Addict' post. Could have been written by me. I hope the addiction counselor helps. It's hard.

The Girl said...

I've done this sort of thing as well. It's always a fine line between doing what you are supposed to and crossing over into more. Hang in there...
-M