Monday, June 23, 2014

Here's to 75,000

I just want to say thanks to all of you out there that read my blog, it has reached 75,000 page views. What an awesome thing -- thanks!

Sarah xx

The day I nearly died

I was dreaming. I could see my mouth and it was open, trying to breathe. I saw my last breath. I sat bolt upright gasping while on the top of Dov's bed. I had taken an early nap. I got really scared and I told Dov that I though I nearly died. He sat bolt upright too and he asked me what I meant. I said it was because I had been lying on a high pillow, which was unusual for me and my chin was pressing against my throat. I know I had been struggling to get breath for a while, I could feel my body letting go.

Dov and I were both really concerned that if that's all it was, then what do I do when I go home to sleep. in any case, I did go home and that is when I went to take my hoodie off and found that it was tied up really tight around my throat. I remember doing that because I got cold, but it ended up being the culprit of nearly strangling me. It was what went wrong, the little bow that had tied it up was also cutting off my airway. Scary. I went back to Dov before I went to bed, which is what I didn't want to do anyway and said, "look at this" and he did and he said he felt better that there was a reason for it all. I know I had nearly died because this happens to me sometimes. But every time I get a dream if I am asleep and I can wake myself up easily. It's an awesome thing.

Later on after I had done some study, I rang Lifeline just to touch base with someone other than Dov and I told the counselor my story and she was awesome. She put my fears to rest and I was able to go to bed with no music and no seroquel, yay, go me! This is the second time in six months that this has happened and last time I woke myself up too. I use my own voice and say to myself, Sarah, wake up now. Sometimes I get an image, like last night, of me dying and I will also tell myself to wake up. Last time was a massive racing heart that I knew if it went on in my sleep like it was doing, I was going to actually have a heart attack. I woke myself up.

I feel so lucky to have this mechanism. I feel blessed!

Sarah xx