Sunday, December 28, 2014

The first taper

In a few days I will be doing the first taper down of my medication. First of all we are going to get rid of the seroquel over two months. I'm on 100mg of normal seroquel and 600mg of seroquel-XR. So on 6 January I will go down to 50mg of the normal seroquel, then in Feb another 50mg and off it altogether. I know the hardest part will be going of the seroquel-XR. I have heard horror stories about seroquel-XR. I am not looking forward to the first decrease and it does affect my mood with the slightest change, it won't be fun but I do want to get off of it. I know my pdoc will want me to stay on lithium and she has also said she would like me to stay on abilify too. Which is something I don't want to do. Ah well, we'll see what happens but that is way down the track.

It's raining today, which is nice. I really don't want to go out in it for obvious reasons, I don't want to get wet. My umbrella is shitty and doesn't cover both Dov and I. I think I will stay inside and read my Nikon magazines. Now that sounds great. Short and sweet today. I hope you are all okay :)

Sarah xx

Thursday, December 25, 2014

World in a Glass Jar

I have created a new blog that is especially for photography and creative writing. It is called World in a Glass Jar. I called it this because I realised that in a way, we all do live in our own glass jars or our own worlds if you like. It made a lot of sense that I could start documenting my journey with both creative writing, which I only started four weeks ago and photography with my Nikon, also about four weeks ago. They are both coming along really well. I'm really enjoying it and I at least there get to give out an explanation how and why I took the photo or wrote that piece of writing. If you decide to travel there, I hope you look me up. You can find me at this link World in a Glass Jar.

Sarah xx

Wednesday, December 24, 2014

10 random photos for the end of the year

Here goes nothing :)

she pulls at the heart strings alright

You can't have Christmas without an angel

Okay, so there were more Cali photos than I thought

The sunrise off of my balcony in mid September

 I lay on the floor looking up while Dov played the piano

A storm from a few weeks ago off of Dov's balcony

A bridge near me at night

Yummy green and red Christmas colours

Had to have one more :)

Enough said!

Be safe my friends!

Sarah xx

Thursday, December 18, 2014

Feelings

It's funny how you don't often really notice your feelings, like saying "okay, right now I am feeling ...." you can fill in the dots. Well lately I have had to do that. With going off of medication extremely slowly, the only two I went off were a while ago because of different interactions with other meds/adverse reactions (Olanzapine and Clhorpromazine/largactil/thorazine - whatever you want to call it) I have been feeling a lot of uncomfortable emotions. In the last week I have had really down, sad, lonely days, even when there are people around. Now I haven't experienced that in years. All the drugs that I have been taking have masked my emotions to the point where I wasn't feeling anything but reactions from one drug to another. I strongly believe that. It's been very difficult.

In the past I would have taken heaps of seroquel or valium to bomb myself out but not this time. I made myself sit in the emotion as it hit me wave after wave. First tolerable, then uncomfortable, to the barely tolerable where I could hardly breathe and then back to the tolerable and then completely gone. I have had many waves like this that came and went all day. I had to just get through them, clench my teeth and do something else to distract myself. This is very hard in that emotional state. I did it though. Everyone has been really surprised that I haven't actually given in the emotion, even when it's at it's peak and knowing that in that bag on the floor, there is a small pill box with seroquel in it. Yes, it's been that far away and I still haven't taken it.

Anyway I will see how I go. While I am here, I wanted to wish you all a Merry Christmas/Holiday Season/Whatever you celebrate/or not :)  I wish you all a lovely time or at least for those that find it difficult, a tolerable time. Be gentle with yourselves.

Sarah xx

Wednesday, December 3, 2014

Excitement

Today is the day I get my new camera, a Nikon D3200, great for me since I haven't used a DSLR before only an SLR and that was in the 90s. Scary how time flies. So in about three and a half hours it's off to the shop to pick it up. Can't wait!!! I am feeling okay, I have had a little nausea but am unsure yet as to the source. I will just have to keep the pace slow and steady today. I am though the most well I have ever been since opening this blog in 2009. People are commenting on my outlook, my skin and my gentle happiness. I can feel it too, like today I am excited, but not manically so.

I started a new creative writing course this week, on Monday and it's going really well. Funny though that my dad is taking the same course and we are liking it equally well. Though he has already beat me to the readings for this week, I have one to go. I have also been working on my zine. I am pretty happy with it so far, though have found some silly grammatical errors in it that should not be there. Lucky I have an editor (Dov, ha ha) he's just the luckiest man in the world and he doesn't even know it yet.

How I'm going with meds, well I think I mentioned that I had an adverse reaction to Chlorpromazine, well we had to do an abrupt withdrawal because of the burning sensation in my skin all over. I had withdrawals off of that that lasted for about 48 hours but I was only on it a few weeks, so it hadn't got its hooks in yet. I started taking on magnesium tablet at night and that is getting me to sleep fine, though we did have trouble adding magnesium in the mornings which we think is the source of the nausea because the times match pretty well. I don't take PRN (when necessary) seroquel during the day anymore, but just one tablet at lunchtime and that is working. I am more settled and I don't want to take extra medication. I am very calm pretty much all the time. It's awesome.

The next thing is to re-add 1/2 magnesium tablet in the morning and then after 10 days of tolerating (only if) add one fish oil tablet at night. Then it would be a matter of alternating the adding every 10 days until I am on 1 magnesium morning and night and one fish oil, morning and night. Wait again and start the tapering of the psych meds. I don't know which yet and I am scared to even go there. I am dreading the withdrawals and worried about relapse. I think I will be okay though because I can feel my own strength.

So the other fun thing I have been doing is taking photos, I have created a flickr account to keep my photography shots in and it's way fun. If you'd like to check it out, follow this link https://www.flickr.com/photos/129652998@N06/ and yes, I have a weird thing of photographing my feet. You'll be happy to know it's only the top few that are feet, the whole site is not of feet. There are some of Cali too. Oh goody, feet and cats! You must all be excited about that ;-)

Sarah xx