Tuesday, April 21, 2015

a long while

It's been a while again since I posted. I've had a lot going on. Since I last posted I found out and realised some things. My diet issues gave me a huge slap in the face. After having a low blood sugar and going to hospital because the ambulance people wanted to take me to mental health, but didn't, confusing but a long story, I had to change my whole diet. I did too, I changed everything, right down to the type of milk I drank. I did this so I wouldn't have to have my body work so hard to process foods. At one point it looked like I had an enlarged liver, but that turned out to be a false alarm, thankfully. I am also almost anemic and my cholesterol was high. It was time to do some work and make sure I had all the changes in place that I needed, for example, iron tablets. I've had no sugary things since the last time I posted, like not chocolate and I rarely crave it. So I am happy where I am with that.

Bad weather got me yesterday and I had a fall in the rain. I was walking down a very steep hill and my foot slipped and down I went. I landed face first into the ground, hit my head; my nose started bleeding a little from hitting my nose, though I didn't break it; I cut my knee slightly, some light but nasty grazes, some right up my left leg; jarred my neck and both shoulders where I landed into them. Jeez I did a good job. I burst into tears and rang home and they said they'd pay for my cab if I paid them back today (I got paid today), so I did. Then the nurse here patched me up but the wound thingies kept falling off because it's near my knee and every time I bent it, they would fall off. I did eventually find something at my place and it covered it really well. I was very sore last night but feeling sore but okayish today. At least it's not meant to rain today

I'm going to post some more soon. I am having trouble typing and it's getting sore, so I will go and hopefully I will feel better soon.

Sarah xx

Friday, April 3, 2015

The big bad ED monster

No, I'm not relapsing. The years of abuse done to my body is finally catching up with me. You would have thought that having kinda let the ED go that I could move forward but sadly no. I am still eating in a very similar way than what I was when I had the ED but I have many more safe foods but I am also lazy. My laziness has turned into the chronic hate of preparing food and eating it. Maybe I am still in the ED, I don't know.

On the weekend just gone I had this internal shaking start. It's profoundly disturbing because you can't really see my hands shake but you can hold my hand and feel this deep trembling. At first my friend and I thought about a lot of different possibilities but when she started asking about diet, we found out that this shaking could be a warning of sorts, that I must get my diet into order. Do some research on food (which I also hate doing), I would probably also get some protein powder to start with.

Anyway, this shaking has given me anxiety, which I have transferred to Cali and so now she is stressed out. Some of her behaviours are clearly stressing that. Poor little pumpkin. When she gets stressed, then I get anxious and we chase our tails, well she does. So first things first, get some protein powder and research what foods are best to eat. I have found some already. If any of you have any really good nutrition sites, could you pop the links up in the comments section? That would help a lot. I was never one of those people with EDs that knew everything about food, I just avoided it like the plague. So yes, any blogs, websites, anything with quick easy recipes anything that might help would be great and I'm going to do some research too

Sarah xx.

Thursday, April 2, 2015

I am grateful - I live

I Live

I am grateful for the love I get
and how it makes me feel
I am grateful for my house
and getting my every meal
I am grateful for Cali
and how she likes me best
I am grateful for every day
because for life I have a zest
I am grateful to my doctor
and how I'm coming off my meds
I am grateful for daydreaming
and the love that Dov has said
I am grateful to DBT 
and how it helps me hold my heart
I am grateful to my drawings
and that it gives me a brand new start
I am grateful most of all
to myself because I know
that I am so much better off
I live, I love, I grow

I am feeling very grateful today, so I thought I'd write about it :)

Sarah xx