Wednesday, January 25, 2017

Recovery, control or management

Hi Guys

I started to see my dietitian again yesterday and it as always brought a lot of stuff up. Lately, I've been struggling a lot with bingeing (don't worry, I am not restricting as well, just the bingeing) and it's been making me feel awful. They range from a minor binge to eating so much I feel like I'm going to burst. I have decided it's going to stop but gently. I am going to be checking in with myself when I eat to see if I am actually hungry (I'm having breakfast 2 or lunch 2 or you get it, lately) but doing it mindfully of course and I'll do a body scan to see how my body is feeling as well.

It got me thinking though. I always say, Oh, I am in recovery but if I was in recovery, I wouldn't continually have so many issues if I was. For it's always about control, always. Control the food, control the intake, control the binge etc etc. So I see for me that the issue is always going to be management. I have occasionally heard people say in jest, I wish I had an eating disorder. I say back, I wouldn't wish it on my worst enemy. Once it gets into your head, it will never go away completely, well mine doesn't and hasn't. It's been quieter at times but not silent. I wish I could silence it, that would be amazing.

Stay safe and well :)

Sarah xx

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